A Brother’s Love for His Crazy Sister

I so appreciate my brother, Vince, who has found me to be a complete pain in the knickers all our lives, but has always, for the most part, loved me and accepted me, regardless of my lifelong transformations, especially, on my faith journey.

From the “I find this family vacation to the Vatican and all its riches, repeated trips to boring old Israel and all these holy places I don’t care about offensive,”… to “I find our parents’ religion and all its hypocrisy, sexist, homophobic, patriarchal, submissive and judgemental core offensive, watch they’re getting divorced”… to “I can’t see you, Pop and Ant on holidays, I’m busy now that our family is broken, they did get divorced, and we don’t have a home to return to, I would rather party my sadness away and do lots of harmless drugs to forget where I came from, God is dead”… to “I don’t know about a God but I think the universe will take care of us, I just quit my job to teach with my baby at the breast, family is the world to me now and the universe will make sure we are okay”….to “We’re on a church hunt so this kid learns if he gets suicidal like I would, there’s someone who might get pissed if he tries to take his own life”…. to “Holy cow, I just went to a church that exploded my heart, taught me the guy I’ve been so angry at for never loving me, my parents, my brothers and let our family fall apart never stopped loving me at all, what the heck just happened, why can’t I stop crying my eyes out, I feel like I finally came home?”… to “This ain’t the church I grew up in but let me hang around in the shadows a little more because something is changing in me, I cannot deny this sh– is real “… to “He is truly the love that fills every void in my being.  He will never forsake me. He will never stop loving me, no matter how much I rot from the inside out, despite my smiley, happy lying disposition.”… to “Yup, I’m alive for the first time ever and am now a bible reading, Sunday school teaching, Monday night Children’s Bible Study leading, Worship Team church singing, I’m in a Christian outreach band, wish you could come to our show and we hope to evangelize in the subway one day coz God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are so AWESOME and REAL!”… to “Hey, bro, not for nothing, but me and my former potty mouth just found out, it turns out, ‘Oh my Go-‘ is not something He wants us to say so do you mind not saying that?”

It has truly been a long way from hell and back.  Thank you little buddy for loving me when I was dead all those years.  What a crazy road I traveled, while you looked on scratching your head (you still do and that is cool) and going with the flow. 

Thank you for being the best little bro this crazy sister could truly have.  I know I won’t ever go back to the dream of me in a night dress, on a pink snowy night, walking to the middle of that rope bridge… This is much much better.

Being alive is way better than my zombie days.  He truly does love us and Mom and Pop and Ant and Jen – He always has and always will.  Thanks for hanging in there.  You have always been my rock in this family.  Aren’t you glad, pressure is off, and I give the rock, cornerstone, etc… job to Jesus now?  Not so bad, right?  Good stuff!