365 Days of Gratitude

Happy New Year!

These are my 365 days of gratitude for 2013…

Sun, November 24, 2013

Waking up to read your word in the quiet of a new day.  I spent a good amount of time rearranging the living room yesterday, to accommodate Thanksgiving guests coming up this week.  It is so nice to enjoy our home in a different way.  We pulled my mom and dad’s bar into another area of the room and the boys had a great time playing chess at the bar and mixing drinks for us, ordering from the bartender, “Bartender!  Bartender!  Where’s mine?”  Shirley temples, ginger bear… we had a blast.

Had to remind them today not to glorify alcohol and drinking, however.  That, while we are blessed to have this bar, a piece of history from my parents marriage, once in tact, alcoholism is a real problem for some people.  It controls them and can destroy them, when overdone.  We do not ever want to lift that up as something to aspire to.

Meanwhile, after our quiet time today, Lord, when the folks began to awaken, I was tickled that Erich enjoyed the new living room arrangement.  He sat down with coffee and newspapers, sharing newspaper articles and events, while I shared great excerpts from the bible study I was reading.

We are blessed to be able to enjoy one another, our town’s local info and Your messages, Lord.  What a long way we have come.

Sat, November 23, 2013

Thankful for our weekly Saturday BSF Leader’s Meeting.  6:45am seems early but I wouldn’t want to miss a minute without this circle of sisters in Christ who are truly here to lift one another up in our discipleship.

Also so grateful for the couples Erich and I had a chance to teach our Prenatal Couples Relaxation Classes.  I hope and pray they are more confident and trusting in the beautiful, daunting yet incredible journey they are about to take for the second time.

Thank You for sending them to us for encouragement and education on how to face their births with a little more preparation.  If only we could teach Bradley Method again – we miss the twelve week course we have taught for almost ten years.

The boys were excellent reading and playing math games while we taught.  What a gift to be able to be near one another as a family.

October 31, 2013

The thing about becoming a “new” Christian, is the enthusiasm.  I have wanted to learn and follow and receive and give to my Lord.  Part of the journey is wanting to give up things that don’t glorify Christ and all that is from Him and our loving Father.

What of Halloween?  Harmless enough?  Candy?  The fun and excitement of knocking on the door and wondering if the knock will be answered, what goodies will be generously doled out by equally enthusiastic participants in this tradition I enjoyed growing up myself.

Our church prayed upon an alternative to Halloween Trick or Treating.  This wasn’t meant to be anti-Halloween but pro taking the night as a celebration of Christ and all He has done for us.  There would certainly be candy, games and lots of fun planned.

The difficulty is when traditions of youth clash with a “better” way to celebrate or spend time on certain nights of the year.  This Harvest Fest was geared towards believers and non-believers.  I hoped to draw our non-believing friends to check out this Harvest Festival, but, even for me, it was difficult not to let the boys dress up and trick or treat.

The boys were struggling with not wanting to disappoint their Sunday school teachers who expressed their hopes to see them at the Harvest Festival.

As it turned out, we thought we could try both.  We invited some of our very best friends to our home for some old fashion creepy movies like “The Blob” and “Them.”  Our kids modern day kids were enthralled with these old movies, clad in their army, ghost blanket, Jack Sparrow, homemade robot box and mad scientist costumes.  There were mummy hotdogs Lisa made, pizza… When we finally got out to trick or treat, it was later than intended.

Woodbury delivered!  We never trick or treated on Main Street before and it was like a pumpkin carving competition.  There was a mime, zombies, doctors… who opened doors… it was truly all in good fun.

And then, there was the one house.  The one house that seemed to be a carnival of not only gruesomeness but death and pure evil.  It stopped Trick or Treaters in their tracks, even ones with little babies.  There was a gigantic devil seeming to come out of a trapdoor on the porch.  I won’t get into what else they had on their lawn but this was the dark side of Halloween.

And, thankfully, it was powerful.  The boys were terrified.  It was the most over the top display of Halloween darkness that could have been planted in our sweet little town and it stood apart.  It didn’t stand apart in a joyful fun sense but in a sinister, disheartening sense.  The boys felt they had been in the midst of something very evil.

All in good fun?  The boys had nightmares and didn’t want to sleep in their beds.  I could only encourage them that this was a gift, a reminder from God about the dark side of this seemingly innoccuous celebration.  How many other children were terrified after that display?

Just a good reminder of why the Lord wants us to…

Philippians 4:8, 9

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing our thoughts back to You.

Day 293 – Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Who gets to go on an early morning canoe ride with her first born before heading over to work?  Last day of vacation and I am so blessed.  From work, I got to head over to teach my class with it’s new time.  I knocked out the early class to better prepare for NYC classes the day before.  Thank You Lord for leading me and encouraging me to take the time to enjoy your blessings, our son, our precious time and talk as we paddled.

Some days one just wants silence out of her kids.  I am reminded how many parents have children who, for whatever reason, cannot utter a word.  I am grateful my children are so happy they can’t stop sharing with us all they do.  What a blessing!

Day 292 – Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Second day at the lake house.  Biking Rails to Trails was beautiful.  I rented a bike, as my ten year old mountain bike died on me.  Reparable, and, thankfully, the trail was right next to a pet store/bike shop.  Fantastic time with the guys.

Day 291 – Monday, October 28, 2013

The writer – that’s me (gotta own it) – is on a screened in porch, sitting right outside a little cabin on a lake in Massachussettes, at the foot of the Berskshire Mountains.  It is a beautiful fall day.  In a little while, we will get on the lake on the canoe and the kayaks.  Tonight, the fire will be crackling.  We’ll have some home made peasant soup.  The boys and Guinness are with us.

This is how Erich and I do wedding anniversaries.  And you know, some years I have found it a bother but, overall… I like it that way.

Day 290 – Sunday, October 27, 2013

Awesome sermon from Pastor John this morning.  Every Christian experiences doubt.  They find doubt amidst circumstances, inwardly (mind) and emotionally.

We are not to be discouraged; having doubts does not equal unfaithfulness.  Doubt leads to questions.  This is good, as long as we’re willing to go to God about finding the answers.

Unfaithfulness rejects God.  There’s just death in that place because, instead of asking to gain a deeper understanding, the unfaithful reject and only seek to disprove, rather than truly understand.  For example, when are the questions of the unfaithful ever satisfied?  Never.  They do not intend to meet Him and so do not know Him.

Thank You that You want us to ask questions.  And that You answer those questions for us.  We earnestly wish to know You, Lord.

Day 298 – Saturday, October 26, 2013

I didn’t make it to Bible Study Leadership meeting this morning at 6:45am.  I made it into the kitchen to have a great conversation with Erich about God and we turned over similar and different questions we both have about how the Bible is relevant today, with regards to what folks are fighting to change in our laws, etc..  It was truly a blessed time.  We are just starting to have these conversations.  It’s fantastic.

Day 297 – Friday, October 25, 2013

So grateful for Aiden’s Halloweeen Party which the boys and I attended.  Nico had a great time face painting some of the kids and testing his advertising skills to the parents.  He was delighted with himself and I think was surprised at how much he enjoyed the little ones.  Cole was a little kaneval on the big wheels which he was thrilled to drive in the house.  I “hired” them both out to entertain the children and I very happy about that.

Thank You for leading these boys, Lord, to enjoy children large and small and to care for them with hearts of wonder.

Day 296 – Thursday, October 24, 2013

A chance to meet with some friends at the park, between our homeschool community day and teaching at night.  What a gift to share even just under an hour, visiting with friends on such a beautiful day.  Thank You!

Day 295 – Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Visited a “potential” place to hold our Calvary Arts Outreach program.  Let’s call it venue X.

My contact there tried to entice me to teach my LITTLEseed classes as well.  All that time, this place felt “too big.”  It just didn’t feel like the right fit.

Clearly, it should be a pretty prestigious place to teach, meet all the “right people…”  But, really, is that what matters?  An area chamber of commerce tried to invite me to join them, looked equally “promising” but I learned unethical tactics were used and I steered clear away.  I can’t be part of that.

As clear as day, You sent your confirmation to me not to pursue venue X.  A BSF leader friend of mine just happened to be popping into this place to set up a birthday party and told me a woman we knew mutually who worked at another venue, let’s say venue Y, had brought all her classes here.  This woman she mentioned was unethical enough to try and recruit my students from my classes on a day I was doing a free demonstration at another venue.  This is the woman venue X thought would be would be very promising for me to connect with!

Yikes!

No, there is only one promise keeper I trust and will partner with.  It really doesn’t matter how “big” my program gets.  Lord, thank You for bringing me to the Birth Center and Destination Maternity, NYC which are the right places for LITTLEseed right now.

Thank You Lord for such an obvious warning and for providing, always providing!

Day 294 – Tuesday, October 22, 2013

A day of rest!  Thank You for another day of rest.

Day 293 – Monday, October 21, 2013

Sometimes I forget how and whom to prioritize.  I want to be there for everyone.  I get into that old “do what you have to do mentality, we will manage.”

In that state of mind, I don’t think, I just act.  I don’t stop to pray, I just do.

Today I didn’t want to just manage.  Today, I stopped and listened.  You helped me to make very good choices.

Because I decided to prioritize our needs, we got the time we needed for our lessons, a chance to go to the library, walk the dog for a bit and finish up our work at the park, where they could bike on and off until our bible study class tonight.

Thanks for saving me always.  You always know what is best for me.

Day 292 – Sunday, October 20, 2013

I love You.  I really really do.

I love this song, among others.

I love that these people in the video love You too.

I love that they look “normal” (by the world’s standards, I mean) but there is clearly something happening here.  It’s not normal.  It’s supernatural.

It’s You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HuQC1pu0w8

Day 291 –  Saturday, October 19, 2013

Sweetest of reunions!  Got to spend a couple hours with one of my oldest friends in the world.  By this, I mean, sixth grade buddy I’ve stayed in touch with on and off.

We are getting old and I LOVE it!  I was floored to be greeted by a bearded salt and pepper all grown up man!  While I cannot erase the bright red hair and buck teeth from my head, I just love that we are still able to connect every few years or so and that we are both, ahem ahem, aging quite nicely.  Really, it could be worse!

Lord God, You have blessed this friendship.  You have plans for him, don’t you?  Had pretty great conversations about You and I loved all the skepticism and weariness over You because this must mean He is on the brink of meeting You face to face for the first time in his whole life.  How He handles that encounter is between the two of You but I cannot wait to see Your work in Him!  You are faithful and You love us all, whether we want You to or not.  Yippie!

Day 290 – Friday, October 18, 2013

Didn’t make it to Calvary Arts book club this evening.  : (  Looks like they met at the local grocery store because the church was locked up.  I got there too late to have gotten the message.  Erich was stuck in traffic so I was about 45 min late.

Just as well, I had a lot more to prep for bible study leader’s meeting the next morning.  I was still up preparing, regardless of the extra time.

You always know better!  Thank You!

Day 289 – Thursday, October 17, 2013

Teaching at the Birth Center is such a gift.  Well, relatively speaking.

Two weeks ago, I taught LITTLEseed Prenatal while listening to a baby’s hummingbird heartbeat flutter.  The monitor was loud enough for us to hear this baby in mommy’s tummy.  That’s never happened before in all my years of teaching and we were just tickled!

This night I taught while a woman was laboring.  We heard her low moans every so often.  Okay, not so comforting for the one mom who is yet to have her first child.  But the rest of us were brought back to our labors.

Such a gift!  Thank You!

Day 288 – Wed, October 16, 2013

Today… I could barely keep my eyes open driving home from teaching at the Birth Center.  I went to bed pretty early last night but was bushed anyway.  With the weather, it was just such a cuddle under the covers kind of day.

I took a nap on the couch in the afternoon.  I just meant to close my eyes for a bit but was out for almost an hour.  I woke up with an extra pillow under my feet and to the boys doing their lessons quietly in the room.  One was timing the other as he did his math and the other was working on grammar.  It does not always look this way!  It was a gift.

Just as I was rubbing my eyes awake and lazily climbing back up on the couch, someone asked me not to move or get up, zipped up and out of the room for a few minutes and – Voila! – I was provided a bowl of raspberries, a couple pieces of chocolate with dried orange and raspberries (my faves,) mini toast sandwiches with garlic spread and a warm cup of coffee.

I was also told, “Mom, you do a lot of things and you do them well.”  I just stared and tried to take that in.  He said it with pride.

He knows how hard I have struggled to let God take care of things.  We often reflect on how our lives have changed for the better “since we really became Christians.”

They remind me I used to freak out more and say, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this!” All of a sudden, I would get overwhelmed and panic.  And, while I was right in those statements I made, I didn’t realize wanting to do things on my own was really the wrong way to go.

The boys know I really can’t do this, any of this, without You.  And, when I start to go back to that old self reliant place, and they see me begin to struggle, I will get a reminder, “Mom, can I pray for you?”  Or, if someone is struggling, “Mom, should we pray for him?  I think he is about to blow up because this or that isn’t working so he’s stuck on his presentation…”

Anyway, You truly are changing us to be more and more like You.  That is really worth writing home about.

Thank You for such sweet moments of surrender.  I hope I tell and show these boys enough how much I love and appreciate them.  I hope I tell and show them enough even when they misbehave how grateful I am that You put them in our care.  Also, I hope I am very clear there is nothing more or less they can do in order for me to love them any more or any less.

Thank You that You taught me that is how You love me.  I can’t do anything to change how much I mean to You.  You will grieve my un-repented sins, until I recognize them, ask Your forgiveness and guidance when I need to change how I do, react or respond to certain situations.  But, I am so eager for that correction because I feel truly blessed when You help me recognize where You want to come in and change me.  They appreciate too when I give them boundaries, reminders, warnings and even consequences.  They know I know doing the wrong thing doesn’t feel good and that doing the right thing, by Your standards, brings a real satisfaction and joy.

Yes, we Christians use You like a crutch, we’re told.  I have to laugh.  You’re more like my gurney!  I can’t stand on my own two feet some days and you’re there to catch me, before I even fall.  What would I do if I didn’t know that?  I would be exactly where I was.  Frustrated at my incompetence to keep up with life and all I have on my plate.

You know, even before I do, what healing I need.  I like what Kim said the other day, “Disease is dis-ease.”  We are all, at some point during the day, sitting with dis-ease.  You are the peaceful answer.  Thank You for that rest I find in You!

We expect a lot of such of these little men.  You don’t expect much of us at all but to be completely dependent on You.  We are teaching them, we really will make lots of mistakes, we do, but You never says, “Ooops!,” as someone told me the other day.  We can all rely on You always, no matter what the weather.

I depend on You to give Erich and I the heart for them You intended us to have for them as their parents.  Show us how to, little by little and more and more, take the “me” out of the equation and see them with Your eyes.  Take the fogginess of “I” from our sight so we can be ever more gentle and kind, living out Your teachings like the Beatitudes and the Fruits of the Spirit.  We are so blessed to know how much we need to keep our eyes on You.

Day 287 – Tues, October 15, 2013

Happy Birthday Lala Nycks.  My sweet angel baby, you would have been five this year.

Day 286 – Mon, October 14, 2013

Just had the best time chatting with one of my besties, April, whom I am on opposite schedules with, availability wise.  (Insert big sad face.)  We finally figured out we can chat after hubby leaves and before I get kids up to start the day.  Yippie!  Laughter, while folding laundry, hearing the kids play in the background and sipping good warm coffee in my pjs is was a great way to follow up a morning of being in Your Word with little guy and then just You and me.  I am going coo coo trying to find my journal so I can write to You but this old laptop will have to do.  You are the giver of life and I THANK YOU for this day.

Day 285 – Sun, October 13, 2013

I am now a student of the My Singing Monsters Game.  My little guy has written me charts and diagrams to memorize facts about monster names, snacks, decorations, etc…I have been given specific instructions to memorize these charts wrote.  He gives me 30 min at a time to learn them – just like I give them 30 min to work on subjects for which I am tested throughout the day.  Thank You for giving me the heart to take this seriously because I know it means a lot to him and what a gift to me that he wants me to be immersed in his little virtual world.  I don’t like video games, never really have, and their time is limited to 30 min a day.  Thank You for helping me see this is just another way for me to enjoy something so foreign to me with him.  So, I must study study study.  Like me, after correcting their work, he is super proud when I do well!  Thank You for this joy!

Day 284 – Sat, October 12, 2013

I just found out from older guy that the lesson in his Jesus Calling book this day was a warning on being a “people pleaser.”  I didn’t get to read my adult version of this book today so I missed that message.  I just love, however, that when You inspired me to write lyrics to the music the guys wrote together Friday night, I mentioned Your freeing me of being a “people pleaser” in one of those verses.  Yes, I was driving to teach in Manhattan, was re-routed over the Queensboro Bridge and back – losing about an hour’s time in traffic – peacefully singing and hearing Your words come through to me.  I sang all the way home, between driving little guy to our movie date and back (hubby on camping trip with older guy for scouts) and finished sending my recording of the song close to 1am.  I just love Your way!  You reach us, no matter what!

Day 283 – Fri, October 11, 2013

Undeterred, I made it to meet the guys to practice at Tom’s house.  Hubby was stuck in traffic, arriving about an hour later than we planned so that I could leave kiddos at karate and go.  A small voice told me, press on, be an hour late but go anyway.  When I got there, I walked into beautiful music the guys just worked on together on the spot.  Can’t wait to listen to it and see if I can contribute some lyrics and vocals.  Lead Spirit, lead!  You are altogether so good to call us to do Your work.

Day 282 – Thurs, October 10, 2013

It was our turn to do our family presentations for our homeschooling community.  Erich talked about his love for running, doing his Spartan and Tough Mudder races and woodworking.  I talked about loving being in our church outreach band, tutoring for our homeschooling community and being a children’s teaching leader at our Bible Study Fellowship group.  I also shared how, before kids, Erich and I used to backpack, mountain bike, snowboard, rock climb, skateboard (ok, that was me and not well or anything..) and how joyful I am that we just got big guy his first ride on kayak and, with help from his grandparents and godparents, a super road/mountain bike for his birthday.  How funny E and are so passionate on the outset about such different things now.  How would we ever have gotten together then, with such different passions, I asked?  And then I look at how beautifully we and our children are starting to really enjoy our outdoor adventurous and faithful spirit with us.  You bring our family together in beautiful ways and I thank You that You made us to worship You together and enjoy Your beautiful world together!

Day 281 – Wed, October 9, 2013

First board breaking night at karate for bigger guy.  Yey!  He did great!  First, three boards then three – his first night and board breaking class ever!  So proud.  Thank You for giving him the discipline he has received from his teachers in this class and how seriously he takes them.  He is doing well and knowing, even though his teachers are called “masters” by tradition, You are His one and only master and You made him to be Your faithful servant and be an example of Your light.  Thank You also for the splendid time we had to go to the library – one of our favorite places in the world.  We haven’t been in so long and I was just so very happy to be back, salivating over the wonderful books about Europe that we will be pouring over together!  Thank You!

Day 280 – Tues, October 8, 2013

When the counter guys came to install our countertop, they were an hour later than the end time of the window they gave us.  We were minutes from missing big guy’s karate grading (testing) when they left.  I kept calling the company for assurance they were coming and not after I had to leave.  When they came in, I had a heart to welcome them lovingly, instead of scowl at how “late they were.”  It was a hot day, it was late.  They must have been tired and working so hard.  You put it in my heart to serve them iced water and offer them coffee.  I just trusted this happened because You have Your reasons – always.  Woudn’t You know, this very day, they came back to cut and install a backsplash for us, free of charge, for the inconvenience I didn’t even complain about.  That saves us a lot of money.  As is, we didn’t replace all the counters – just got what we needed with the old counter starting to mold up and all from the leak between the sink and the counter the last few months having worsened.  You are truly our Provider!  Thank You for having Your hand in our lives and for giving me the patience to trust You completely!

Day 279 – Mon, October 7, 2013

Two of the children in my Bible Study class have been very disruptive the past few weeks and it was time for my co-leader and I to speak with them, along with our Children’s Leader.  They were repentant before we even finished asking, “Do you know why you are here?”  We encouraged them by telling them how much we love having them come, pray for them all and just want them to get as much out of our lessons as they can week to week.  One of them started to tear and bust out in apology, confessing, without prompting, he had been obnoxious and very sorry.  I just love Your children, Lord, and how beautiful their hearts are.  It isn’t easy being the new kids in class and, clearly, they find their way through humor.  But they are dear dear children and the night went beautifully after our talk.  Thank You for teaching us what words to say to encourage them to want to stay in our classes weekly.  You are so awesome!

Day 278 – Sunday, October 6, 2013

Thank You that Erich got to run his race today and that the boys and got to enjoy two services at church.  I was scheduled to sing with the Worship Team.  I asked the boys if I should get a sitter but they eagerly asked to stay the two services since they learn different things at the 9am and the 11am.  I am so grateful that You have prepared rooms for these boys in Your house.  They so look forward to meeting with You and learning in my class.  Thank You also that while I joined the prayer group during the second service, we called out as a body for Your blessing over our pastor, the congregation and those outside of our church who do not know You and so need You.  Thank You for the double dose of being with You and Your people today!

Day 277 – Saturday, October 5, 2013

Thank You for making it possible for us to take the boys on their first Rails to Trails bike ride down in Yorktown with their Uncle Brian.  How good it was to see him!  Thank You for the years of friendship Erich and I have had with this guy.  It is a joy to see how much the kids love him and he loves them.  Thank You also that we were able to celebrate Grandpa’s 70th birthday with Erich’s older brother and his family.  It was a beautiful night and a very nice celebration.  Thank You for bringing this family together and ever stronger!

Day 276 – Friday, October 4, 2013

Back to our Calvery Arts Collective book club tonight.  So blessed to be in this circle of artists seeking to know Your artistic purpose for us.  We are just so blessed to come together and prayerfully meet with You and lift each other up to serve You whatever way You lead us.

Day 275 – , Thursday, October 3, 2013

There was a break in at the church that hosts our BSF and CC classes.  We were still able to hold our classes, even as the police investigated.  We were very sad for the church, especially the youth leader.  His guitar was stolen, among other things.  We know You will multiply the church’s gifts and this will turn out well.  We prayed to You as a collective community and we know You have special plans to come of this.

After all the driving in and out of the city, the Bronx, NJ… I was tired, teaching.  Thank You for taking over!  Classes went well.  The afternoon session went well.  Thank You for getting Mrs. Seiler through teaching – she wasn’t well but You just light up the room through her.  Thank You!  Give her rest the rest of this week!

After classes, the boys and I went biking and little guy flew so hard into the fence at the bottom of the hill, I had to jam his handlebars out of it.  He was shaken but okay.

I got to the Birth Center to find I had to cancel my classes because there was a scheduling issue and I could not teach.

You are in control.  You are with us through everything.

Day 274 – October 2, 2013

Attack after attack.  Prayer after prayer.  So many opportunities to fall down in the day.  I won’t get caught up in it if I am caught up in You.  Thank You for helping me catch myself before I say a word.  I used to just blurt out how I felt, in desperation, in fearfulness.  But now, You slow me down.  You talk to me so that I stop before my mouth opens.  You ease my heart.  You fulfill my need for You, instead of in “being right!”  Thank You.  This is Your grace.  Thank You for pouring it down on me!

Day 273 – Tues, October 1, 2013

I wanted to cry today.  I really was at that point.  All I felt I had left was to get myself set up with a call to my Bible Study Leader and Classical Conversations Director… to cry.

I was at the point of really looking forward to it.  But none of them were able to take my calls.  Instead, You wanted me to call You.  You cornered me into calling on You because that’s what I am fortunate enough to be able to do any time at all.  I am still learning this.

I wanted to call Kim and Karen and ask them to pray for me.  I wanted them to pray for me and my mistakenly having thought I gave myself enough time to get to the city to teach.  (Alas, I found both my parking garages full and, calling on You for calm, finding one about 13 blocks away, though, for double the price I was ready to pay.)  I wanted them to pray for me and my shock at the scathing email someone wrote about my, apparently, mistreating her husband – someone I was so joyful to have at class last week.  I didn’t know how I could have misread his enjoyment of my class and it all coming down to her scathing email.

I would have called Lisa, Emily or April too.  I knew they would tell me what I wanted to hear because they love and know me.  But, I knew, somehow, that what I needed at that moment wasn’t what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear.  And what I needed to hear was truth.  From You.

I was really getting ready to ask for prayer and, You said – I AM RIGHT HERE.  Why don’t you call on ME?  Why is it so much easier to ask someone else to pray the words I am so capable of sharing with You?  I mean it’s not like You don’t already know what I need but You need me to know I need You.  Isn’t that it?  And that You are always there.  You are always here.

Shortly after I accepted this and put the phone down, that verse came to me.  Not in its entirety, but that voice in the wilderness came to me.  I just read it this morning while the boys and I were working ahead in our bible lesson.  Yes, we prioritized You BEFORE even leaving for NYC.  I needed Your armor and thank You that I put it on.

The verse goes something like this, “I am pressed on all sides but not crushed…”

I got a voice mail from Kim.  She was with the repairman.  Could she call me back, she asked.  But Your peace already came over me.  I texted her I was okay.  I texted her the verse.  I said, no worries, if she couldn’t get back to me right away, I was comforted and praying for peace and direction.

In Your God style, she responded that the verse I mentioned to her was the verse that came to her mind, and one she was about to share with me, when she got my distraught message.  Of course it was, Lord!  Because You bring us together in Your strength to lift each other up in all times.

The full verse is this:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

New International Version (NIV)

8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

And then it all turned.  My attitude of self pity was banished.  The whole day began anew.

I accepted that I was going to pay over $40 for parking and that the boys and I would enjoy what we could of NYC.  That was the plan.  My hard working, overall obedient and eager to help boys and I were going to get a really nice treat.  We decided to have lunch in front of FAO Schwartz and then storm it, for the first time, for a few hours.  Of course, thanks to how perfectly You orchestrate things, it is just a stone’s throw away from where I teach.

I called the husband who was unhappy with me and You straightened out the misunderstanding.  You wanted to me to speak to this man in earnest and we ended up laughing over it all and look forward to meeting the next time.  It was Your courage that calmed me to call him and You gave him the heart to hear me out.

The drive home was long but good.  For years I have feared driving into NYC because of the cocky bridge and tunnel pedestrian I used to be, when working in NYC all those years myself.  I was a taxi cab driver’s nightmare.  Almost as bad as the bikers.  You have broken those chains.  Driving through and in and out of the city is a piece of cake to me now!

It was an opportunity to talk with the boys and listen to how much they loved FAO Schwartz.  They finished up their work on the way home, reviewed the last four weeks of our history, geography, Latin, math, science and English.  Afterwards, I plugged my headphones in to listen to a lecture I would not have, otherwise, so easily found the time for.  The boys enjoyed a movie on their tablet while I did this.

When I got home, I knew exactly where I needed to spend the next hour or so!  While they invited their father into the world of FAO Schwartz they just discovered, I took the longest bath on the planet.  This is something I hardly ever allow myself the chance to do.  It was just what I needed at the end of that day.

So I am very grateful for the challenges of that pressed on me every day but did not crush me.  Only You can hear us before we even cry out and reward us with such loving kindness to make things right.  No matter what, when we are right with You, wrong situations are more easy to manage.  I am stronger for this day.  You changed my vision.  You helped me to see.  I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU!

Day 272 – Mon, September 30, 2013

More pressure today.  Boy, You are growing me!  All of us!  Drove to Trenton to my Dad’s trusty garage.  I would save him over half the expense of replacing his catalytic converter, if I took his car there.  It was insane not too.  Almost as insane as the actual drive there.  What I expected to take up our morning took up the entire day.  We didn’t return until close to 5pm!

It was a bizzare day but good.  The garage is on the corner kind of in the middle of what seems like nowhere to hang out.  We had nowhere to sit within the shop, during the job, so we walked up to IHOP.  I thought it was the only place to go on foot.  We had lunch and that helped us bide some time.

I asked about a coffee shop so we could do some work and was told there was a Dunkin Donuts up the road.  Turns out there was none.  There was, instead, a strip of more stores, restaurants.  It was a bit of an adventure for us, exploring a new place.  We liked it.

We decided to peruse the Teaneck General Store  which was charming and lovely.  It is a fair trade cafe, gift store, etc… All the gifts were interesting, lots of educational games for the kids.  I loved that there were games like Settlers of Canaan and lots of Jewish items.  I absolutely loved that the owner of the store, Bruce, was so easy to talk with and showed the boys some of the items he particularly liked.

I loved that we could stay here and study a while and sip some Tango Mango Iced Tea and share a slice of apple caramel cobbler.

It was a long day and a long drive home.  You got us through it.  I am quite the city driver now, thanks to You!

We had just enough time for a quick dinner and then Bible Study.  My co-leader couldn’t make it.  I was solo but, but for a volunteer and, of course, You.  The bible lesson, the discussion time… it all went well.  It wasn’t my turn to do the bible lesson but You made it happen.  My notes served me well!  You brought us 12 wildly happy children, in our 5th/6th grade class alone!

So, did I mention it was a long day but You got us through it?  Thank You!

Day 271 – Sun, September 29, 2013

What a nightmare, trying to get out to The Bronx Zoo to a birthday gathering today.  My GPS was bonkers.  We were driving all over the Bronx.  It was ugly and dirty where we drove.  I realized we would get to our destination but I spoke with the boys about being grateful.  This was not anything like home, this place we were driving.  Garbage everywhere… It was tough to see so much concrete.  Children playing on cement things – climbing – like we would, only we would be climbing trees and running on grass.  We would be running on a lot of grass.

We got to the zoo.  We didn’t miss our friends who were on a tight schedule.

We all met at Oktoberfest afterwards.  The kids played football, ran on their scooters, had a fine time while we grown ups got a chance to have a triple couple date.  It was another rare chance to enjoy friends – kids with kids, grown ups with grown ups, nearby, but separate.

We don’t do that enough so thank You for making it possible in that way You do!

Day 270 – Sat, September 28, 2013

My plans are always better on paper. You must have been laughing, my thinking I was going to get little guy up to BSF at all.

You said, “Rest some more.  He needs it.  You need it.  I have something special planned for you.”

Got into the city refreshed.  After classes, we walked to the Central Park Zoo.  It was a slow exploration of a place we haven’t been to in a long long time.  We got home when we got home.  Thank You for our special day.  Rare for just the two of us to be together like that.

Proverbs 16:29

New Living Translation (NLT)

9 We can make our plans,
    but the Lord determines our steps.

Day 269 – Friday, September 27, 2013

See my post “Music – You Did It Again!”

Day 268 – Thursday, September 26, 2013

She told me today a “mass” was in her fallopian tube, rather than her uterus.  Praise You for being with her and, her being a believer in You, finding comfort during this devastating time.  I remember that anguish.  Thank You that we can share our faith, our hopes in her becoming pregnant again.  We are in Your hands.  I know You are with her, just as You were with me, the night I found out Lala was no more.  Still in my tummy but no more.  No food I could give her, no possible way to hug her and make it better.  She was gone.  But You do not leave us and, in remembering that pain (buffered now by time, thanks to You,) I hope I can be with my friend too in a way that You need me to be.  Thank You for putting us together.  Shine Your love on her more brightly than You already do.  Thank You.

Day 267 – Wednesday, September 25, 2013

First time a dad and child came to class in a long while.  So thrilled to have them join us!

Great to get out to the park in the afternoon, treat the dog to a longer walk, take the guys biking, and meet with some friends at the park.  We really needed that!  Thank You!

Day 266 – Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Another down and out sicky boy.  This theme of rest is good.  Definitely never my idea.

Thank You!

Day 265 – Monday, September 23, 2013

I spent the whole day on the road, all day.  Whether it was driving in traffic to Trenton, NJ (never, never, NEVER give the GW Bridge a shot during the day – ever), misunderstanding my GPS… walking to IHOP and then a little Jewish cafe/gift store (super great store by the way!)… the boys and I were on the road, road, road…  All to get my Dad’s car repaired for half the price anywhere else around here.  It was a nightmare through so much of it.

Day 264 – Sunday, September 22, 2013

A beautiful day for a canoe ride on Lake Waramaug.  Thank You for protecting older guy on his new ride on kayak.  He did tremendously for his first time on his long awaited birthday present.  Deliberate family time enjoying our world is so important.  Thank You too for the afternoon of bike assembling and riding hubby had with the boys yesterday, while I was away in the city.  Thank You for the wisdom You gave older guy to ask for birthday gifts that would go a long way, like the kayak and a good bike.  Thank You for the provision for us and family to provide those gifts.  Thank You also that hubby and I are able to finally share how much we love the outdoors in this way, now that the guys are older.  What blessings You pour down on those who wait patiently for You!

Day 263 – Saturday, September 21, 2013

Thank You for a fairly easy drive into the city!  Thank You also for the time I had to myself before my scheduled classes.  I can’t believe, after all these years, I got to sit an hour or so in a cafe to go through my Bible Study and English Grammar notes.  You know too how much I have missed mindless people watching and, especially, how I have missed my time in NYC.  You set the stage for things at the right time.  I am so grateful to You!

Day 262 – Friday, September 20, 2013

First Calvary Arts Collective Meeting (as opposed to band rehearsal) in a while.

I couldn’t make it.  Erich was held up at work.

I got to rest instead.

Big day tomorrow.  Have to take little guy to BSF (6:45am ETA,) to NYC to teach and, then, hopefully, to Central Park Zoo as a treat.  Yikes.

Makes sense not to be out late at the meeting.  Thank You.

Day 261 – Thursday, September 19, 2013

Thank You for a blessed day at Classical Conversations.  Thank You also for showing me my quick judgement of a woman who doesn’t parent like me.  I was even becoming aggravated with her son.  Clearly, this family was brought to our community to be prayed over.  Forgive me my hoity toity nature at times.  Thank You for putting it in my heart to reach out to her when we had a chance to congregate during one of the outside activities.  Thank You also for putting a smile on my face when her son and I passed in the hallway.  Please bless this family.  Help us to be examples of Your loving kindness that we may draw them ever closer to You and, in so doing, be more and more the women and children You intended us to be.

Day 260 – Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Thank You for giving me the wisdom to skip Worship rehearsal this evening.  There was too much preparation to be done still for Classical Conversations and You know my need for sleep and how little I would allow myself to partake in that.  There was no guilt about skipping it.  Thank You for removing self absorbed judgement from me and providing what I needed to prepare for the next morning’s classes.

Thank You also for a clean bill of health, after my midwife annual.  Thank You that they waved their finger at me that I hadn’t been since my annual.  Thank You that I teach right where they are.  You bless us abundantly!  Where else would we go for all our needs?

Day 259 – Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Our days are filled with work that lifts us up higher in our purposeful work to educate, to become closer as a family… Thank You for leading us today.  You even allowed for some down time between their lessons.  Energy to continue with work after dinner – price to pay for the beautiful walk You provided us in the afternoon to stretch out our legs and take in what You created.  We aim to get do a little more early morning, then fun for them while I teach classes… You lead. You lead.  You lead.  We follow so we can find the rest You meant for us to have in You.

Day 258 – Monday, September 16, 2013

Sometimes you just can’t plan ahead…

Proverbs 16:9 New Living Translation (NLT)

9 We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps.

I did go ahead in my lesson planning.  So far ahead, I was behind when I found out I prepared next week’s lesson and missed the one due tonight.  Even as my co-leader was reading her bible lesson to the children… I was scrambling and trying to hide it from the children.  I already owned up to the mistake to my co-leader and the scrambling.

And then You lead.  I prayed for You too.

You suggested I ask them who Jesus is to them.  And then from Luke, who Jesus was to be, according to the Angel Gabriel.  Beautiful way to make Him so real now and then.

Also, had them reinact the story of Rahab.  We had kids under tables and no one knew what they were doing but we all learned the story well and had a great time.  I felt You especially have me draw in the uninterested.  They had no choice.  : )

I love that verse.  And I love the way You love and guide us away from our plans and then into Yours…

Day 257 – Sunday, September 15, 2013

Lazy day getting breakfast for the remaining posse from the 10 year old’s get together.  Boys running in and out of the house.  Eating, playing, in and out of the house…. it was really a beautiful thing.  Girlfriends, Erich and I enjoying this from the dining room table with our yummie grown up breakfast of sauteed kale, blue cheese and fried eggs.

Thank You for sweet times with life long friends for both generations.

Day 256 – Saturday, September 14, 2013

First day in NYC for LITTLEseed Program.  Not sure if I can handle this commute.  Contracted for the full year.  Maybe I need to NOT agree to rehearse with the band on the Friday before my first day of teaching in the city next time.  This is after wrapping up my bible study children’s leader prep work at 12:30am in the morning after a late night of singing, even if they are praise songs we are writing and creating through You.  I walked the dog that morning and was falling asleep.  It was 6am.

Grateful Erich prepared and hosted our get together for older guy’s 10th.  This is after his departure from our home 6:15am to race 13.1 miles at 8am.  The get together was memorable and lasted through the morning – sleep over for big guy’s closest friends and all.  Camp out in the yard – Moms camped out in the living room.  I got back from NYC more than halfway through the soiree but it was exactly what big guy had been hoping for for so many weeks and maybe even month.

So good to see our boys – all nine of them – still so close.

We’re both crazy.  What would we do without Your strength?

Day 255 – Friday, September 13, 2013

Calvary Arts band rehearsal.  Much progress on Roger’s song.  New bassist while our first bassist is back to college.  More new songs in the works.  More comfortable working together and developing Your sound for us.  Thank You for such a group of artists to work with and do Your will.

Day 254 – Thursday, September 12, 2013

Second week of our homeschooling community group Classical Conversations.  Yippie!

On a side note, younger guy had some social challenges to overcome while with other children in the next room.  (Bigger guy and I were occupied next door in the afternoon math and English program.)

There were lots of tears from little guy the whole ride home.  While he did overcome his sadness over kids repeatedly ripping up his creations, just because kids can be like that for no reason at all, it was a tough day for him.  He had so looked forward to it all week.

It was a lesson in placing your hopes on specific events or reactions from people, to find joy.  This is a lesson I still find difficult to learn but an important one in helping us cope with the “imperfect.”

He communicated to them he wanted them to stop after a few times of their repeated actions.  They persisted, however.  He walked away to get help from a classroom helper.  The helper offered to protect his creations from the other children so that they could no longer tear them up.  Unfortunately, he created one last piece and that one was torn up too.

Little guy cried he found solace in “talking to the rain” when they went outside to play.  He sobbed these words out as he explained his little-guy-big-grief situation.  It is heartbreaking to see your child experiencing the difficult things in life but I was proud of his attempts to continue to do the right thing throughout.  He said he wanted to say more to stand up for himself, but was so angry, he was afraid he would lose control and cry.

I have been there.  I admire his self control.

His brother, upon hearing all this, was livid someone would dare trample his little brother.  I had to discourage him, as he punched his fist into his other hand, threatening the kids who picked on his brother through the car ride home.

I reminded them that we need to pray for the instigators.  They must be having some difficulty in their lives to act this way.  Sometimes we are afraid and don’t know what to do so we just choose to do something, even if it isn’t the wisest set of actions.

Boy, I know all about that.  Ask my husband how many times I would have spared him, if I just stopped before I spoke up or reacted.  Gee, ask my mother.  I tried to do the grown up thing and remind them God brought this situation to us to both model the right behavior (so, reminder, no future threatening of perpetrators by big brother would resolve this) and, also, to help us learn to persevere through difficulties.  There are many ahead, which He lays before us to better prepare and mold us in this life.

Little guy did confront the one who picked on him the most when he got a hold of himself.  She apologized but he didn’t buy for one minute that she was sorry.  I am not sure how to respond to that.  He is entitled to feel what he observes was the true meaning of her words.

I guess I was to share a lesson on forgiveness.  I don’t think I did.  Part of me was angry at the little girl too.  I guess I’d better have that conversation just to cover that aspect of it but I will keep it light.  After all, as things go with children, they will be best friends next week, right?

Either way, I am glad he expressed how he felt to us and to her.  It is a little triumph he can tell himself next time that he stood up for himself in a tough situation and he did the right thing, even if it may have been difficult.  He was so disappointed and must have felt, betrayed.

So, even homeschoolers have bad days in the playground and this was little guy’s first this year….  He is wiser and stronger for it, right?  And, well, it is a snapshot of your child learning how to handle himself, as we slowly let them go.

Day 253 – Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Long awaited countertop installed. Lucky as the older formica one was moldy and was starting to affect the cabinets themselves.

The installers arrived at 5:15pm, which was a bit off of their 12 – 4pm window.  As soon as they walked in, I had a heart for them, thinking how miserable it must have been working in this heat today.  Before I opened the door, I had called their company a few times, very concerned about their timing as I had to take older guy to his karate grading.

Thank You for giving me a mothering heart towards them, offering them ice water and freeing me from my previous agitation at their tardiness.

That is three times I wanted to lose it today.  The other two were reserved for children who missed repeated instructions that lead to icky consequences I was trying to help them avoid.

Thank you for reminding me that “perfection” is not to be expected in this world.  Rather, flaw and, the ultimate goal we strive for, through Your strength and Yours alone, is to be kind and, as You commanded, “love one another,” regardless of such things in life.

Day 252 – Tuesday, September 10, 2013

We are in the presence of the first grand orthodontist expense.  Feels like we’ve reached a milestone that seemed all too far away.  Ten year old got his “appliance” installed today and considers himself, officially a cyborg.

Nice.

Thank You for getting us to this point and showing us how we’re going to cover this expense.  Thank You for always getting our backs!

Day 251 – Monday, September 9, 2013

You made everything fit just perfectly when it came to preparations for our first evening back at BSF (bible study.)  My co-leader and I have a great class – including my oldest son who was (thankfully) thrilled to have me as his teacher.)  At one point, I saw quite a few moms in attendance from our homeschooling community.  You surely have the strongest of the strong in my corner!

Thank You!

Day 250 – Sunday, September 8, 2013

A day to prepare for Bible Study Fellowship this Monday.  I met with my co-leaders for our first 6:45am Saturday meeting yesterday and it was brilliant being together, praying for one another, the program again.  I wasn’t prepared with my lessons but I prayed hard to get the direction I needed when it was time to get to the preparations.  I keep trying to remember, You are the equipper.  We are simply part of the body, your modern day disciples to encourage and help to feed your sheep, while being cared for and nourished ourselves.  What a beautiful program You have brought right here in our own backyard.  Thank You so much for your provision!  Thank you for the children and caregivers you will bring Monday night.  What a joy, what a wonderful way for us to know You and share you with our little ones.  The world is more and more difficult to understand.  It is ever complicated, harsh, condemning… Thank You for reminding us you are the God of love, grace, mercy and peace.

Also grateful that I was able to worship at church as part of the worship team.  There were so many of us, we were practically falling off the stage.  Can’t wait to worship again with the congregation this way.

Thank You also that Roger, from Calvary Arts, was happy with the lyrics and melody I felt You lead me into recording for His song.  He was truly all smiles with what I played for Him.  I tried not to become too attached to His reaction, however, I was jumping up and down.  You lead, Lord.  We follow.  Thank You for your unending guidance in every way we try to do Your work.  Thank You for your guidance that we continue to pray for one another as we allow You to show us how to use our artistic gifts for Your glory.

Please hold onto us tightly.  The closer we are to You, the more you know who tries to get us back for himself.  We are weak not to become ensnared by the shiny and new things he hangs before us… You are true, unchanging and the same today, yesterday and tomorrow.  Thank You for your faithfulness!

Day 249 – Saturday, September 7, 2013

Yesterday we went to the Met for eldest guy’s birthday.  He is crazy about the Egypt exhibit.  We have been in ancient history in our homeschooling lessons for over two years.  Just worked out that way.  Being as we are moving into the the Midieval Period presently, we did visit the knights and armor exhibit.  This added a completely new dimensions to our Met exploration.  Little guy got overtired, however, trying to keep up with us and ran a little temperature.  Thank You that hubby was there to continue the birthday guy’s tour for a couple more hours, while little man and I stepped outside onto the front steps, that he could rest on my lap for the remainder of our stay.  The occasional tourist feeding the pigeons (they swoop in like flying rats, don’t the tourists know this?)  the callous smoker lighting up, without a thought (I used to be that smoker), right next to a sleeping child, did grate into our restful moments.  Otherwise, it was a beautiful day to be out, people watching in NYC.

Today hubby and the boys and I went to Vernon, NJ in order that they could, all three, run the Spartan races.  Thank You, Lord, for guiding little guy to skip his race, even at the starting line, considering his low temp the day before.  He was devastated not to participate in the kid mile race but brave to follow his gut and sit it out.  Big brother was kind to assure him he would do alright but, I wasn’t so sure.  The course was brutal in the noon sun and glared over the steep hill and obstacle courses to dizzy any young participant.  Even bigger guy wretched his first time around the big lap around the steep elevation around the woods.  Thankfully, he learned the importance of pacing himself and he did better around his second lap around.

Hubby did great!  Big guy did great!  Little guy got over his choice to skip the race, despite sobbing over bagging the race before.  I sat in the hot sun, completely not having fun until hubby showed up before the three hour mark.  I know that sounds completely selfish of me.  I am a woman of action – even reading a book would have been acceptable, had I brought one and read while waiting.  There was something irreverent, however, whipping out a book at the eight mile mark, where we sat.  Bodies of all shapes and sizes, conditions at this point in the race, flooded the race track before us in spits and spurts.  Whipping out a book and not at least acknowledging the Spartans with one look (and many wanted to be seen, given some of the outlandish get ups out there) would have been unkind.

Meanwhile, It was a splendid sight to see hubby burst through from the background, front and center.  We snagged as many shots as we could, videos too, and followed him, forgetting we weren’t to be in the race area ourselves.  We then remembered to stay out of the other racers’ paths, as we made our way out of the race area.

Hubby was so thrilled to share with his team mates afterwards, I got to bake in the hot sun, forgotten by him completely, completely on the outside of his Spartan world… and felt sorry for myself, seemingly stuck baking, with all the bags.  But, I know it made him really happy to have us there.  I have to confess, t was really difficult for me to just be there, not being able to do anything but sit and cheer for him at the end.  We were sitting on the grass, running every now and then into whatever shade remained, as the brutal sun seemed to seek us out in earnest.  I am not one to wait for things to happen, ordinarily, but make them happen.  Being asked to sit and not make things happen was painful for me.

But, hubby’s smile said it all.  I want to remember that smile.  Thank You that all my family needed this day came from You, You provide.  Even realization my cranky hungry self, famished after the race, pointed to where I need to be more patient and generous with how I spend my time for others.  Grow that patience, Lord.  And let it be more and more okay for me to just be present, not necessarily doing my all to run the show (like Martha vs. Mary,) for those whom I love. This prayer is most especially for the times they need me to just sit, wait and smile.  Help me to understand that, sometimes, being still is all there is to be and a gift to me and those whom I love.

Day 248 – Friday, September 6, 2013

We have a ten year old.  It’s unbelievable.  He opted to co-sleep in our bed with his brother because he wanted to begin his day with us.  I’d like to think this means we are his favorite people!  He’s not very laid back when it comes for preparations – if you wanted him to plan your wedding, you could trust him with the details, the whip to crack in order that everyone play his/her role in making everything go perfectly… So, we indulged the little planner.  Breakfast in bed with flaky biscuits, cinnamon waffles, fresh strawberries, blueberries, vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and Simply Orange juice without pulp.  He wrote the music and we performed, boy.  I lament that this boy will miss out on the element of surprise – it can take the joy out of providing at times, he is so particular about what he wants.  But, I know you have gifted him with leadership skills.  And, you are teaching us patience to guide him through it and to try to help him chill out a little when it comes to planning but to also learn to roll with things.  Biggest thing he had to roll with was not getting a gift to open this morning.  He wanted a kayak for his birthday, which I am thrilled about.  I am perfectly delirious he did not inherit my peculiar panic when it comes to certain bodies of water and aquatic situations that can riddle me with fear.  It was a long shipping time.  He did ask if we had a card for him to open, at least.  Thank goodness we did.  And, thank goodness we weren’t looking forward to surprising him with anything.  Happy Birthday, big guy!  What a blessing to be the ones to care for you and grow in so many ways with you.  Lord, thank you for the gift of our eldest son and this decade of blessings with him!

Day 247 – Thursday, September 5, 2013

First day of Classical Conversations Community!  It felt like “Christmas!”  The boys had to remind me that wasn’t an appropriate analogy for my excitement and, yet, we were all rearing to arrive.  God, You completely equipped me to teach my little 4 and 5 year olds.  Thank You also so much for our boys’ respective tutors and classmates.  What an excellent start to our homeschooling year.  Essentials is a phenomenal math and complete language program for our eldest who couldn’t be torn away from doing the homework assigned.

Here’s his first sentence decorated with acceptable (there is a list of banned words which are too simplistic) adjectives:

“The intrepid knights defended the glorious castle against the brutal invaders clad with colossal amounts of strength.”

We were tearing down the tables in the room and he was so drawn into his work, I had to assure him we could return to the work when we reached our home.  You will finish this race with us!  You were with us before the starting point was ever established.  Thank You!

Day 246 – Wednesday, September 4, 2013

“Michelle, don’t let him steal your joy!”

Those are words of true encouragement from a friend who understands the battles that take place within another follower of Christ daily.

The “him” she refers to is the thief of all joy.

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

To a secular friend, a day can be comprised of “good moments” and “bad moments.”  For Christ followers, it is “gratitude filled” and “in need of His strength situation.”  This is how we see things throughout the day.  Turning to Him makes all the difference in how we respond to a situation.

When we don’t turn to Him, we can respond from the ego.  Ego normally points to self and self serving responses.  We live in a world filled with idols and, for many, the greatest idol of all is self.  “Why are you talking to me like that?  Why are you treating me this way?” etc…  When we have a bad moment, it can be because an “other” is attacking our great fortress of self.

Turning to Christ reminds me to be loving and grace filled.  “I am having a hard time understanding what is going on right now but Christ will get me/us through this.”  To us, He was perfect and sinless.  He came down to be one of us, to be in the muck and worse, to die for us.  He knew a bad day.

What I learn from Him is how He responded to that bad day.  It was with love.  He responded with compassion always and complete faith in His father.  I want to be more like Him.

For Christians, following Christ is filled with “spiritual battles.”  It’s just part of the package.  We will be attacked.  Repeatedly.  In fact, when we aren’t, that’s when we should be concerned we aren’t worthy of being attacked.  It is when we are most prayerful that life becomes more challenging.  Little things.  My attitude.  The attitude of those around me.  The thief of joy knows where to strike.

I need His strength.  I need reminders that my plans are not always His.  My friend’s encouragement came perfectly as our homeschooling year is about to begin.

I keep saying, “I have a lot on my plate this fall between work, homeschooling, leading….” and on and on it goes.  Those are the beginnings of a heist about to happen.  Comfort replaced by worry, safety replaced by doubt, assurance by stark fear.

The battle ensues.

But He is my shield.  He is my protector.  He is my Father.  The joy isn’t in what I set out to accomplish and whether I “succeed” in that.  The joy is in following His lead and knowing His great hand of protection is over all things.  That is even when I don’t know what tomorrow looks like.  His plans for me may look nothing like what I write down on paper.

His hand is over me and my life.  I just have to remember this.  I know who I belong to.  I know whose hand reaches out to me and will hold me in His grip.  He sends His angel army of friends, those who stand in battle alongside me.  We pray for one another.  We remind each other who we serve and how great He is, how He has touched our lives.

The joy is in knowing Him.  When I remember, the spiritual battle is won and joy remains.  When I start to forget, He sends friends to share their strength in Him with me.  I am so grateful for this.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Day 245 – 9/3/13

Reviewed our 2013 – 2014 curriculum with the guys.  Leafed through the books we will be working in and reminded us why we value CC so very much and why we are so grateful for this teaching method.  Very excited about math and English.  Looking forward to Your showing us how to balance piano, recorder, Japanese, French, baking alongside history, geography, English, math, art, science.  I know You will lead us.  I thank You for this!

Bible Study Fellowship Group Leader’s Meeting tonight.  We’re back in our circle of prayerful, faithful sisters.  We rest in You, Lord.  We offer ourselves as your disciples to disciple those You bring to us.  Call us, command us and keep us close as we return to You moment by moment, day by day.  Protect us and our families as we move with You this year.

Still some preparations for our first day of Classical Conversations as well.  First Thursday this week. I feel ill equipped still.  Lord, show me the way to go and firm up my lesson for the little ones.

Tomorrow we have a field trip to Stepping Stones and then an ortho appointment so there will only be the evening to make final preparations.

Only in Your strength, Lord.

Thank You!

Day 245 – 9/2/13

Family walk along Main Street… reading the first Harry Potter book to the boys… the boys playing boardgames while Erich and I looked on from our work work and house work… watching the 5th Harry Potter movie… seeing Despicable Me 2 in the theaters… hearing additional lyrics to Roger’s Song, finally getting the sound and dying to share it with the other musicians when we next rehearse… “date night” outside, after the boys got into their beds while listening to the crickets and observing the very fat frog under the stars… a fine Labor Day weekend.  Thank You Lord, always, for Your provision.

Day 244 – 9/1/13

This was a good message.  No, it was a GREAT message.

http://calvarysouthbury.com/southburypodcasts/

Day 243 – 8/31/13

An even nicer turn out for this following LITTLEseed Program demo at our local health food store.  I met such an interesting group of women and children and just thank You so much for how diverse we all are and yet so quickly able to bond in our love of motherhood.  You are truly the King of Kings to know us and what we need so well.  Thank You!

Day 242 – 8/30/13

Very grateful for a nice turn out and group for our LITTLEseed Program library demo.  Thank you to our local library for helping us to get the word out.  I was especially excited to have had wonderful new ideas/choreography for some of our songs while the boys and I were playing LIFE together.  I guess when I am happy these things just come.

Day 241 – 8/29/13

Being as we are no longer sick, we are back to our “old tricks.”  We have a real knack for stretching out 24 hour days!

After an oil change and doggie pick up by my brother, we met Lisa and the kids at Hammonasset State Park Beach.  Typical of our best adventures, this one was a last minute, not on the calendar event.

Just picture this Paradisical morning… The beach is practically deserted as school has begun for most.  There are six boys with fishing rods, buckets, live bait they caught and cut to just the right pieces for their crab basket, boogie boards.  I am sorry to say, there was a fish beheading that took place in order that that crab bait was made available to them by them.  One of the boys is an avid fisherman with his Dad and, since our friends are all Waldorf bred, there was a knife they were entrusted to use properly and safely.  And, they did.  Lisa did have to absolutely draw the line when it came to their wanting to fillet the flounder they caught themselves.  After much pressing on our boys’ part, she won the battle and force fed everyone the food left in the cooler, in order that they could bring the poor fish home for their Italian grandma, who raise Lisa on filled fish, it seems, to prepare.

This was Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn come to life as they manned their fishing operation, dunking one another every other minute, shadow fighting and general boy cajoling.  While the sky was overcast, it yielded sparkly, surreal scenes throughout, as clouds shifted and made way for slivers of light to touch the water.  We, hawk eyed, lounging mothers, made it a point to announce each time the sun or the clouds seemed to shift a new, more mesmerizing horizon before us.  We did this while fighting off seagulls from our little loungey picnic area, very skillfully, of course.

To avoid the rush our traffic, we bought the bullet and decided to take all the boys out to dinner al fresco at a restaurant/inn we practically just chose out of a hat.  We had the good fortune to sit next to a couple who adored our children.  How couldn’t they as they sipped (slurped!) their waters, Sprites and Shirley Temples out of their plastic Bud Light cups.  This lovely couple engaged our children in bemused conversation and, to Lisa’s and my relief, didn’t find them too loud or obnoxious.  Never mind our guys laughed (guffawed) together, pulling prank after prank, making jokes, all too much like old men who have known each other for far too long not to understand one another.

The food was scrumptious.  Lisa and I enjoyed our meal at our separate table so much, we practically told the boys to go run around in the parking lot after they finished theirs.  To their delight, they obliged, and Lisa and I had a nice shot at being grown ups without having to continuously remind the little ones to wipe their faces, chew smaller bites, stop talking with their mouths full, not to drink too much soda if any… It was just perfect.  (We managed to enjoy, despite having to remind the boys to look out for the next couple out into the parking lot, getting ready to drive away, “Freeze!  Car coming soon, nobody move until it’s left!)

Beyond this, our wonderful server, Debbie, encouraged us to take a walk to the private beach down the road where they “don’t check passes” at this time of year.  We spent the rest of our time there, amid the beautiful setting sun.  It really was surreal, watching our little ones moving with the uniformity of a school of fish, travelling together from one spot of the beach to another.  One minute they were picture perfect, playing in the sand in front of the marina and the sweet little beach houses all in a perfect row.  It was oddly like a scene from Amsterdam, only not.  Next, it seemed as if they were storming a fort in Texas, only with waves crashing and rising above the rocks that bordered the land they rose from like the most dashing set of little men you ever did see.

There was also another area of the beach that made me believe Heaven and Earth met that day.  There was a reasonably sized jetty and the formation was like a giant shoe horn tilting upwards into the sea.  The water was violent on the one side that made my heart skip beats each time one of the boys got too close for me not to “helicopter mom it,” and yet I knew how important this discovery time was for them.  I said my piece about safety here and there, pretended they were listening more than they were dreaming what little boys dream when being planted in a world they had never experienced before and would never leave, given the choice.  I did all I could to disappear in the shadows along with Lisa, so these boys could just own their world for a little bit longer.

We topped off the night watching the boys jump the lines that held the sailboats to the sand and then make sand angels like the little ones they still are.  In true boy style, they got too rough after some time (sleepy time, though they’d be the last to admit it) and Lisa and I called it a night.

What pure bliss!  So perfect that, of course, both our phones had run out of batteries so that we couldn’t take any photos past dinner.  Lisa was wise to say we would just have to file this one away in our memory bank.  Did I say this friend I love so was bopping her Repunzel golden head up and down to the wonderful live music playing from the hotel deck that bordered the sand this whole time?

I just had to share this day with you and give myself a chance to look back more easily at one of the best, most precious, not too far from home impromptu “staycations” of our lives.  All this because we let go of our planning and opened our hearts to just living.  It always works out for the best this way!

My gratitude is immense to have had such a gift of a day.

Day 240 – 8/28/13

Our oldest has completed third grade math!  Wahoo!  Just in time!  We went light enough on academics in order that we could extend our schooling through the summer.

Last year was our first year with Classical Conversations and my being a BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) Children’s Leader which are both pretty intense programs from the children as well as from me.  I taught a pretty full load of LITTLEseed Program as well.  We made sure to include socials that allowed me to give, receive support as well as offer playdates for our children throughout the weeks.  Our calendar was full.

This year I am a CC tutor, second year Children’s Leader for BSF and will be adding two new locations, including NYC to LITTLEseed Program.  It’s quite a lot more to include.

I really need Your help showing me how I am going to do this.  I know it is in Your strength but what way should I go in everything?

The most exciting thing you have taught me so far is a new way to encourage our oldest with his 4th/5th grade math.  I am to do the math alongside him.  He is the need to do things together guy when it comes to things he doesn’t enjoy as much.  He will work independently without eating or sleeping on his writing, drawings, presentations, creations but math is another story.  This also saves me having to find time to correct his work.  We get it done together.

I tried this today and it is the first time we did math like this this year.  He said it was the best math day ever.  One of my favorite aspects of homeschooling is the way it allows us to work through challenges and have the freedom to make adjustments.

Thank You for showing me these little teaching tools.  You make everything more attainable, when we ask for things in Your will!

Day 239 – 8/27/13

Hubby went to our Classical Conversations Essential Parent Meeting for me in my place.  I had fever the day before and wanted to wait 24 hours.  It was a very good arrangement.  He got to see what I will be living and breathing with our oldest in this second level of learning for him.  This is the “dialectic” stage.  This is where he uses the foundations of his memory work (which will continue throughout until he is in seventh grade and begins to connect the dots, learning how everything relates.  The two hours of Essentials entails math games and a complete English language program.  They will be diagramming and I can see I am going to learn a lot myself.

I am glad Erich got to see that and so grateful that God has made it possible for us to enroll our older guy in this second leg of his day.  Younger guy will be with other younger siblings in a supervised free play scenario.

Thank You for leading us to Classical Conversations!  It is amazing for our entire family.

Day 238 – 8/26/13

My turn in the sick bed.  Out on the couch for a few hours after lunch.  Have what little guy had – high fever, head ache, lethargy… I should have just fed them cereal all day but worked myself up physically, just preparing their lunch.  Was down and out on the couch for a good long time.  Now I am using all lavender, peppermint oils and drinking lemon oils to see if that helps me.  Blood test results still on the way for little guy.  He is back to himself but I will feel better, receiving any new information.

We have three weeks off from my teaching and homeschooling 2013-2014.  Hoping we are all well by then.  Amazed at God’s timing.  Of course we are sick over my three week break.  Little guy over week one, me over week two… I can only assume other guy is next and maybe hubby.

While I could complain about how this puts a damper on our end of summer enjoyment, could He have picked up a better time not to disrupt my work and our homeschooling?

You are so good to us!

Day 237 – 8/25/13

I am married to an official “Tough Mudder.”  Really happy for hubby that he has found a way to challenge himself physically again.  Apparently I would have loved this “back in the day.”  Instead, I was home with a sweaty child in my arms, grateful his fever that has returned on and off this past week, finally broke in the middle of the night yesterday, as we sat in a sweaty puddle on the bed, waiting for hubby to come home the next day.

I reveled in watching his sons marvel at his detailed descriptions of all the obstacles he needed to overcome, the teamwork that took place between complete strangers of all sizes… I was looking at one, maybe two, future tough mudders, their little excited gears turning behind their wide eyed listening to their Daddy.

Celebration was completed with the home made peach cobbler pie we prepared with vanilla and whipped cream.  We like things old fashioned that way.

Day 236 – 8/24/13

Little guy has been sick all week and is more or less back to himself.  This means he and big brother are able to return to our new “rotation routine.”  As a homeschooling, entrepreneurial mother, my time is almost equally split between working inside, outside the home and on and off my smart phone and computer.  We have to ask God to really protect our time.  Our schedules are ever changing, year after year, and we really need His wisdom to show us new ways to go with the new flow.

There is a bit of initial prep time each morning for this “rotation routine.”   We choose the activities we want to focus on as individuals and together for the day.  We come up with a sort of “wish list.”  We then look at the calendar and decide whether or not to spend 10, 20 or 30 minutes on each activity, or, to trim our wish list appropriately.

A request for God to protect our time and choices how to spend it, is also in order.  It helps to do this before and after we work on our wish list.  We also ask that He be very clear, if we need to make any adjustments.

Yes, this does mean we live on a timer.  While we like to “fly by the seat of our pants.” a 24 hour day is shorter than we often think.   We have different inclinations but are all artists, including my husband and I.  Moving without a plan can be quite dangerous, as creative people can easily get lost in their activity and forget to get changed,  eat, sleep, etc…

For anyone who is curious how this all works, here is a sample:

~ 30 min creative time (draw, paint, craft, write a story, comic book, invent a new game, etc..)

~ 30 min read (chapter book – no comic books in this block!)

~ 30 min devotionals with Mom (whether a reading from the bible, a faith based work, etc.. discussing it further and how we can apply it to our daily lives)

~ 30 min media (movie, game, research Mom approved topic)

~ 30 min chores (may include:  help cook/bake, set table, tidy up, water plants, garden, take out compost, dishwasher load/empty, bring down/up laundry, wipe down glass doors, etc…)

~ 30 min free time (board game, outside adventure, time, comic books, etc…)

~ 30 min research an interesting topic (peruse history, science, math, reading comprehension book, craft ideas, etc… from our little library)

That’s a big list.  Some days they choose three things to rotate through and repeat, so they learn to pick things up repeatedly, and drop them as needed.  Or, the morning rotation can be different from the afternoon rotation.  Either way, that’s it in a nutshell.

When my children were younger, instead of their doing these activities more independently of me, we would do them together.  I hoped they would experience my joy in doing these activities together and look forward to all the different things God prepared for us to delight in.  It is marvelous when they are completely engaged in meaningful discovery.

This type of structured freedom incorporates activities important to us.  My preference when it comes to choosing activities are those which promote curiosity, pursuit of knowledge, hands on experience or an opportunity to envision a rich version of that in their minds.  We also include day to day activities which need to be done, in order to manage a more or less balanced household.

This “rotation routine” helps me the most, I think.  I believe, through it, God teaches me patience, focus, self control and assurance I need not squeeze everything in all at once.  Sleep and rest are important in His co-creation with us too.  This also allows me to share my passion to “carpe diem” with our children within 24 hours a day, one day at a time.

Day 235 – 8/23/13

Terribly grateful for our pediatrician.  He is old school.  He doesn’t mess around when it comes to his job to diagnose, communicate, educate and listen.  This is not something everyone has in a family doctor.  We are very pleased to have him as our medical go to guy.

Day 234 – 8/22/13

FUN

It was a rainy day and I had a sick boy in tow.  What better activity to partake in than a driving explorer’s game?  One of our sons shared a desire to do this on foot through town together for ages.  Thought we’d cover more ground via the vehicle instead.

We spent about an hour trying to get lost within ours and the neighboring towns.  We took turns choosing which unfamiliar streets to examine on our directionless drive.  We were explorers.  We just completed another Teddy Roosevelt biography and this was the least we could do in honor of his adventurous spirit!

HANGING ON

As far as God today, had to cry out to Him a few times out loud, as normal.  He made me realize how most of the moments I find myself frustrated with my family stems from a misdirected impatience with myself.  Their sometimes being mirror images of my husband and I, in all our humanness, can delight and yet, other times, pin us to the wall.

After having stopped, checked in with my breathing, allowed it to regulate itself again, I reached out to Him and cried out loud “Help!  We need You to bring us back home!”

Not long after the cry, my words exit my mouth more slowly, calmly, kindly, fully embracing my “teach by example” role.  This is not always a one step process.  They may see me work through this a few times and there can be quite a struggle between “letting go and letting God” as the saying goes.

It is a process, like anything else.  They can visibly see me transform from, “I can’t do this if you guys don’t help me and cooperate” to, “Lord, can You help us see you in each other, in all of this?”  They witness creeping panic melt away.  I have reached for the seat belt and placed my foot on the gas pedal towards full faith we can get back home to each other, to Him.  We are reassured His hand is on us and there are no road blocks in site.  For now.

So that’s it today.  Pretty simple.  Pretty blessed.  Pretty good.

Day 233 – 8/21/13

Today was a day like any other.  The difference was that, unlike other days, I logged everything I did in this really nice journal my brother and sister in law gave me.  My husband has to do this for work.  I used to have to do this after my shift as Hotel Assistant Manager at Hyatt… I logged the time, the activity… it made a difference at the end of the day.

When you do not have a 9 – 5pm outside the home kind of job, doing half of it at home and then outside the home, it is difficult to qualify your contribution to your family’s well being and how good of a job you are or aren’t doing.  You can’t quantify successes or fails statistically and with society not having much appreciation and even resentment for “stay at home moms” as it is… we feel that devaluing in our bones. We even do that to ourselves.  I do both; I stay at home and a work outside the home, do all my marketing, coordinating of space, payments and all that is required of running my own business, homeschool and manage a household..

So today I got to check my report card at the end of the day.  Here is what I did.  Here is where I rested for 20 minutes, just for myself.  My plans had to alter as different situations came up, just like at my corporate job. There were unexpected scenarios, emails, phone calls that had to be fielded while taking care of other situations simultaneously.

The only difference is I don’t get a paycheck for this.  I don’t get promoted or acquire monetary bonuses.  There is no real vacation time.  Even bathroom breaks are limited.  The reward is the state of our hearts, as a family, at the end of the day.

Down the road, our time together as a family is going to be recounted, talked about fondly or with disappointment at future family dinners between my sons, their children, their wives… all Erich’s and my passes and fails.  They won’t even all agree.

Yes, that final evaluation may still not materialize years from now.  Just as at a 9 – 5pm, and the way people hold opinions of one another, how they appreciate us will depend on who they are becoming and how we fit or don’t fit into their memories, daily lives in different seasons, etc… This evaluation is open ended and will continue to do so beyond our time together now.  They do it now.

We will receive credit or blame, misinterpreted, misunderstood, loved with all their heart.. who knows?  I won’t get a chance to partake in any of it then.  We communicate as best as we can now.

I think I’ll keep taking notes like this.  It is a great way to check in throughout the day and appreciate just another day in the life.  A life that is full.  A life that is sometimes empty.  Just another day.

Day 232 – 8/20/13

Classical Conversations Parent Night this evening.  So good to meet the new families as well as our Director and my fellow tutors.  Can’t believe I am tutoring this year.  I can’t wait for the year to begin.  Just two more weeks of relaxing and then we kick into high gear and we just cannot wait!

Day 231 – 8/19/13

Calvary Arts rehearsal and music exploration.  Second time around.  So grateful to Erich and the boys for allowing me to partake in this.  I wrote about the experience in my “Music – The Well Fed Caterpillar’ post, dated 8/20.

Day 230 – 8/18/13

“God does not give us overcoming life – He gives us life as we overcome” – Oswald Chambers

Day 229 – 8/17/13

Today we were supposed to hit Quassy as a family.  Erich normally doesn’t get the chance to do this during the work week.  He was on pager duty which, unfortunately, took up most of his day and afternoon.  There was no Quassy for the family.

I took some quiet time to read and write, while the boys played cowboys and stage coach robbers for a good long while.

It was nice catching up on some of that quiet alone time and to be aware of how okay everyone was to do his or her own thing.  Sometimes I forget families can enjoy each other more when we spend some time apart.  Thank You for the reminder, You designed us to rest in so many different ways.

Day 228 – 8/16/13

Just reflecting on the contents of this photograph.  The mug and biscotti are from my older brother.  The breakfast was care of my younger brother.  This might not seem all that significant but it is to me.

I am a Cancer.  Along with the mug and biscotti came a can of delicious tea and a journal.  This is significant because my aetheist brother and sister in law, not necessarily in agreement with what I write, faith inspired and all, are encouraging me to keep being myself.  They meant for me to write in that journal, songs and what not too.  I think that is very special.

The meal?  It is one of my favorite breakfasts and my younger brother was more than eager to make it for me on a morning everyone was having waffles.  You also don’t know anything about the amazing sauce on the side and the alfalfa.  He is a foodie and the plating is fit for a really nice restaurant.  Yup, I felt pretty special with that too.

Being of the same tree doesn’t always mean you are the same kind of fruit.  Clearly, these gifts show that doesn’t really matter.  Different fruit can still appreciate differences and encourage them.  I love that.

Day 227 – 8/15/13

Bronx Zoo with Mommy friends.  Running into Emily, Jakob, John and Ethan after we thought we were going to miss them entirely, as my phone died.  A night with my brothers and their wives at my brother’s place.  Laughter.  Good times.

Day 226 – 8/14/13

Worship rehearsal this evening.  Thank You for musical fellowship.

Day 225 – 8/13/13

Our last day teaching our 6 – 11 year old group our LITTLEseed Kids Fit class – yeah, that would be older son and I.

The Maritime Aquarium with some of our bestest of friends.

And, we made it with minutes to spare to older guy’s karate class.

Couldn’t stay up past 9pm… woo hoo for 40!

Day 224 – 8/12/13

(Not sure who took the photo or who it is of.)

Peace fills my day when I begin seeking You out on hands and knees, head bowed down, eyes closed and as close to small as I can be.  I am overcome by Your unending grace and fall into Your arms, entrust You with my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZK8QXZ0-Mo

I could mean nothing to my fellow man but would still be beautiful to You.

John 15: 18 – 20 NIV

18 If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.  As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.  That is why the world hates you.  20 Remember the words I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.  If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.

Thank You.

Day 223 – 8/11/13

You know your son is destroying you in Monopoly when you hear things like…

~ Mom, here’s $100 if you land on it and don’t buy Illinois Avenue.  But, if you have a chance to buy St. James first, go ahead and do that so I can trade Illinois Avenue with you if I buy it.  If I land on St. James first and buy it, the Illinois Avenue deal is over.  I’ll also need my $100 back.  (Yeah, I still don’t get it but I was too entranced by his dreamy eyes and missing bottom teeth to question the logic further.)

~ Mom, don’t spend all your money.  Save up.  Because you do realize, if you spend all you money, you’ll be out of the game and I will win.

~ I am making donations mom!  Here’s a $100.  (After he cashes in on the jackpot Free Parking).

~ Mom, I’m buying these properties and selling them back to you when you aren’t poor anymore.

~ Mom, these hotels are a sign that I am rich.

~  Tennessee Avenue and St. James Place both cost $950, New York Avenue costs $1,000… You’re building yourself back up again.  So, I am going to buy more hotels.  Don’t panic!  You don’t have to pay me now… let’s just put this next to your money…

(Check out the second shot after I paid my debt down… Yeah me!)

~  Want to buy this “get out of jail card” for $10?…  Me: No thanks…  Son: No, really, I’ll just $50 if I go to jail.  You’re going to need this because you’re going to be poor…  Me:  Okay, thanks son.

~ (after I land on his property and the city of affordable houses on them)  Mom, I am giving discounts.  $200.  No, $300.  No, $400 on rent.

You know your son loves playing monopoly with you as much as you love playing it with him when he does all he can to make sure you never lose, ending the game.

My father got to enjoy this Monopoly relationship with my son when he visited us this year.

I am happy to have a turn.  Thank you for that.

**

Also grateful for life turning and turning.

While our little one and I were playing Monopoly and loving our alone time together, our older son was canoeing with his father down a big river I would be too scared and unskilled to maneuver.  This was a first for them.

I have hogged our older son most of his life.  I am grateful his father now gets the chance to be the guy I am not made to be.  Thank You for that and a second childhood for both Erich and I to enjoy with them.

Day 222 8/10/13

My mother and step dad are visiting us.  We took them to one of our favorite watering holes.  Mom sat under a shady tree and snapped photos of us enjoying a beautiful afternoon.  The water was higher than normal because it had rained again.  It made me so happy to see my step dad on his tube with a smile wider than the river.  I will also never remove from my memory, my brother’s dog, unwillingly taking her first swim lesson.  She get in above her head and her back legs went all rigor mortis until the rest of her sank and she was forced to paddle.  And at that, she paddled to shore.  Also got to enjoy our time at the local amusement park with them.  There is nothing like seeing my Mom and step dad in our world, enjoying the things that we love ourselves.

Thank You for giving them the energy to be like kids with us!

Day 221 – 8/9/13

Today one of my friends from college came to visit with her son.  We spent our junior year in France together.  Only, we weren’t friends then.  Now we are just crazy about each other.  We got very close when we returned from that school year away.  Our children are very close as well.  We try to see one another at least 3 – 4 times a year.  They adore one another.

This is so special.  I am so grateful our friendship has continued to flourish through ups and downs in our growing up life.  What a precious gift to have such a friendship to lean on and look forward to.  Thank You for Shivani, Mark and Noah!

Day 220 – 8/8/13

Last week’s rains put a damper on my morning walk routine with Guinness and her cousin-still-on-loan, Stoli.  I got lazy even when the rains stopped.  This morning I got up and walked with them, finally.

I listened to the sounds of the morning.  The birds, the cars.  I looked around and discovered trims and landscaping I have missed on older homes along the way.

I spoke to You like I haven’t in a while.  You were there of course.  I confessed I forget You so easily when I am not in want or in despair.  Ironic, when I am peace filled, satisfied, I busy myself with other things.

Thank You for keeping Your eyes on me when my own wander.  Thank You that I have a home in You.

Day 219 – 8/7/13

I woke up early morning with a mind to walk.  I let the dogs out and, without thinking, ran back inside, grabbed a couple of blankets and parked myself in one of the Adirondak chairs on the front lawn.

My head kept tearing at me, “Walk, Walk the dogs.  You should walk the dogs.”  My heart responded in turn, “Close your eyes.  Listen to all these birds.  How many different kinds are up there chattering away?”

My head switched gears on me, “Get up now.  Too late to walk.  Go inside and do something ‘productive.'”

I succumbed and went inside.  But I rebelled against that head, after indulging the heart a bit and then jumped into bed again and listened to my body instead, “Ha ha!  Nice way to start the morning.  Now continue it in rest.  Let’s go back to sleep!”

Thank You for letting the body win out!

Day 218 – 8/6/13

I have the opportunity to pray for those going to Malawi and, hopefully, Mozambique on behalf of our church as of today for about a week and a half to spread the gospel.

To pray for others is such a privilege.

They bring with them the Word and a movie to help draw Your people from the far corners of the world back to You.  I am not sure if this is the movie, exactly, but will correct if it is not.

Day 217 – 8/5/13

Cole didn’t want a birthday party this year.  Just a camping trip with Mom, Dad, Nico and Guinness.  Until he realized he didn’t have a birthday party this year.  And he turned seven years old.  Thank you to his gang of best friends whose Moms and I pulled off getting together today – over a month after his actual birthday.  How grateful I am to have friends who accommodate a fickle boy’s desire to celebrate his day at the drop of a hat, after all, and made it an extra special celebration, as a result.  I am also grateful Cole is so simple in his wants that it really was just a jacked up play date with cake and a song.  That is enough for this guy.  I love that.

~

Also grateful Nico and I ran up the fire tower to catch the sun this early morning, before Erich went to work.  Not sure if his smile or the sun was more brilliant.  Toss up.

Or, after hearing, “Mom, I’m glad you got my lazy but up this morning.  That was the most beautiful landscape I have ever seen,” maybe it was mine.

 

Day 216 – 8/4

I joined the church’s “worship team” which is another set of words to mean “choir.”  This is the second time I have helped to lead our congregation in praise songs.  We haven’t stopped singing the songs all day.  Silence was interrupted by boisterous singing by me, or Cole, or Nico.  So grateful we are able to express our love for Him through songs others have taken the time to write.  These are just some of the ones we sang Sunday and kept, as a family, singing, beyond church service…

Until the Whole World Hears

My Delight

You Won’t Relent / All Consuming Fire

The River

10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord) 

Day 215 – 8/3/13

Grateful for a very nice visit with my Mom and Step Dad at their place in New Jersey.  Just the boys and I while Erich caught up on house stuff and stayed behind.  There is something about extended family that I think both the boys and I find very comforting.  Visiting with family is always so very special.

Day 214 – 8/2/13

There is only room for one perfectionist (in-recovery) in this home.  Or, so I thought.  Apparently, the cure for this undesirable trait is for You to shake up the boat by bringing into our home a perfectionist son.

It has sometimes been very difficult this year.  All the perfectionist pitfalls I see and which concern me in him point to the many pitfalls I have tried to dodge all these years on my own.

But You are grace filled.  You remind me, You are a never ending resource to turn to.

I only have to ask, as someone once showed me, “Come, Holy Spirit, come and descend upon our home.  Teach us that true joy is from You and not what is happening around us.”

Shortly after I ask this, You infuse that joy back into these seemingly bull headed situations.  Humor replaces “struggle” and my leading is more jovial, gentle and effective as I choose to welcome and model Your way rather than falter with my own.

We see one another more and more as You do.  What patience You have grown in me.  What wisdom You bestow.  You teach me better ways to cope and I am hopeful I am not beyond learning.  You drive out fear in my parenting and encourage an even softer disposition.  That softness strengthens our family bond, and no one has to feel isolated or alone.

Thank You because You are always with us and deepen our desire to be with You.

Day 213 – 8/1/13

I am taking care of things I couldn’t even think of fitting into my day.  I am cleaning house.  I am getting organized and I am not even thinking twice about which direction to go.  You move my feet, my hands and I am building and taking down where You want me to.

You are the perfect planner and equipper.  You know where You want me.  I love what I heard the other day about you, that You never say, “Ooops!”  : )

Thank you for loving me enough to use me for Your glory in all places You need me to work for you.

Day 212 – 7/31/13

The rains have kept us away from some of our favorite local playgrounds until this day.  Thank You!

Day 211 – 7/30/13

There is no true fulfillment when it comes to doing everything other than what we were designed uniquely to do.  When we shun our gifts as unimportant or not good enough we really need to know we have no right to do that.  And, what’s more, we are meant to enjoy the true joy that comes, not only from connecting to those gifts, but the greatest joy of all, a deeper fellowship with Him.  I didn’t even know what I was missing all these years!

I am gifted.  Uniquely.  I know it is okay to believe this now.  This is the case for each one of us in the world.  Yes, I am talking to you!

It has taken me almost half my lifetime to get that I have a responsibility that entails stewardship over my gifts. He can change them, mold them into anything He wants but we have to be open to that.  The changes that resulted in my life since this “great awakening” are too many to enumerate and it has and continues to be a process.

I had to lay everything down.  The blueprints, the plans, the pen… give it all up and trust He already knew which way I was to go.  He had mapped it out before I was even born.

I had to get so broken that there was nothing left of me to be in the way, whether I knew or didn’t know how I was supposed to get from point A to point B.  What’s more, I had to keep moving towards Him, to breathe, without even knowing where and what point B was going to look like.  I had to let go of any and all my preconceived notions, years of ideas, ideals and illusions that my life was best as long as it was under my control.

I continue to ask for His help, moment by moment, and keep trusting He keeps me on track still. When we finally let go in order that He can do what He means to do through us, we can discover again and again, just how awesome He is. The pinnacle is never in discovering how amazing we are but how loving and all knowing He is.

He made me by hand.  This is the same guy who created the whole world and intricate depth of its beauty. He made and gifted each of us to compliment one another, to enjoy one another as a whole body, rather than as segmented pieces of His flesh.  We are meant for so much more than what our meager minds are capable of even dreaming up and, for this, I am grateful.

Day 210 – 7/29/13

Earlier in the day on 7/26/13 (see that day’s post,) the boys and I picked up our guitars and started expressing our sad and angry feelings towards one another in a light way.  We made up pitiful yet humorous lyrics and sang, “My son used to love me!  Now he can’t stand to hug me!” and “My Mom used to be nice to my brother!  Now he can’t stay out of trouble!”  On and on we went in our awkward and needful way to connect, without being able to, to cry out, without being humble enough to just express our true feelings.

We were trying to deal in our own funny way, though no one’s heart was really being serviced in the way that it needed yet.  While we were laughing together, we were still hurt, though, I believe the silly song writing helped.

This morning, one of my sons picked up the guitar on his own.  He was the one I didn’t show favor towards.  He sat, by himself in the living room and, without prompting, strummed and sang, “My Mom mom used to be be great!  Now she is even better….” It was still a bad tune but thank You!  You wanted me to see and hear that.  He didn’t know I was there.

You got us back on track and boy, we just want Your strength to stay there so, please, help us to keep holding onto that!  The opening back up of our hearts.

Day 209 – 7/28/13

I am so happy that my good friends whom I wanted to meet in France for my 40th, decided to bring Paris to me.  They took me out to Luc’s in Ridgefield for the first time.  The only thing that wasn’t French about it, from my memory of an authentic French cafe, was that it was smoke free.  My 40 year old, hopefully fully recovered lungs, are grateful for that.  It was a wonderful night and I am inspired to fill yet another page on this site entitled,  “40th Year in New England USA, France.”  I have some ideas for it but there is no rush.  Thank You for reminding me this one is going to be a fun project but not one to throw myself into.  Yet.  : )

Day 208 – 7/27/13

You are merciful.  You will stop and save us from ourselves when we downward spiral, even when are hearts are closed to correction.  We are stubborn to run from rather than towards you.  Our hearts grow desperate but our pride keeps us from asking.  So you send someone to meet us where we are where we are able to listen.  I am working on a “Parenting” post about something that happened today.  Thank You for sending someone to meet me at my moment of need, to correct me even.  You taught me a lot through that small package of a little boy.  Thank You!

Day 207 – 7/26/13

Just today this happened.  I had a conversation with myself that went like this, “Self, what do you want from this life?  Have you ever really sat down with yourself and asked that question?  If you could pin it down, what one thing in the world could you have that would make you the happiest person on the planet?

Just as an experiment, I thought I might start playing on Amazon.  I thought, what fun to start plugging in silly things to set aside in my shopping cart.

I tried to browse all kinds of other categories and pick just one. I did not get far.  I really just got stuck on the first part of the exercise.  I didn’t know what I might even want that I don’t already have.  I repeat, I didn’t know what I might even want that I don’t already have.

What an odd sense of satisfaction.

I then wondered if we even needed repairs on our home. Wouldn’t I appreciate more dining out at the drop of a hat? Would I turn my nose up at travel opportunities or luxury vacationing?

No.  I think I would always appreciate those things but would any of it make me H-A-P-P-Y?  Would any of it bring me long lasting peace and contentment?

No.  None of it would.  I would want more.  The upgrade.  There is always an upgrade, isn’t there?  The next better or best thing.”

I am incredulous I am back in the place I was, so many years ago, in Chamonix, France.  I was at the foot of the mountains, looking up.  The abundance of this view was immeasurable.  A college student back then, I felt enormously fortunate to be reminded in that moment how small I truly was in the grand scheme of all that magnificence.

My parents allowed this opportunity; I was provided for. I could rest in the safety of that. A backpack with all my worldly possessions was contained upon my shoulders and I was perfectly satisfied.

These days, that backpack of worldly possessions contains my family, my art, my love for this borrowed life and the opportunity to share that happiness with others in prose, in song, whatever You inspire me to do.  I am now, like I was then, satisfied.

I didn’t know You, as I do now, back in Chamonix,  but I wondered if You existed.  I didn’t even know I wanted You to exist but You knew me and You walked with me wherever I went.  Now I see You.  I see that hand You held out to me all this time.  Finally, I took it.

All this, after just a few choice, heartfelt words that changed my life forever, “What would You have me do? I will do anything!  I will follow You, just tell me what You need me to do.  I am scared.  I am broken.  If You are there, where You go, I go!”

And, here we are.

I don’t want or need to increase the load of my worldly backpack.  My desire is to free the backpack of all it contains, to give it all back, to discover how to imitate Your outpouring.

I have what I want in this life.  You have given me the greatest understanding of fullfillment. It has been a great long while since I was possessed by the aching desire to accumulate more. No. These days it matters more that I belong than that I own and, in that, that I belong to You.

Thank You!

Day 206 – 7/25/13

I get to places early now.  Not even on time.  Early.  And… I have more on my plate than I ever did.  I am a reconstructed woman.  I am so grateful for growth in this area!

~

So, of course, after I wrote that, I was late to my friend’s son’s art exhibit at Molten Java.  The humorous part was, she was later than I was.  Just a reminder, not to get too smug.  I am truly a work in progress.  And a deliberate life with You does not result in a perfect me, rather a greater peace in accepting I am going to mess up.  We all are.  No judgement ever called for.

I think today’s chapter was entirely fitting:  2 Corinthians 3.  Thank You!

Day 205 – 7/24/13

Have officially sent out the “stepping away from FB” message for now.  I truly need to stay focused on the work You have for me.  The only distractions will be face to face time with family and friends, and, most importantly, time alone with You.  I need you more than ever.  This is the most loaded year to date.  I am really excited to be spending more of that time with You!  We really need to talk more.  Especially You and me, Jesus.  There, I said it.  So hard to say it still, I confess.  (Thank goodness You have forgiven and understand).  It’s just been so much easier to talk to God.  But, this is our year.  I really ought to get to know you better.  More time in prayer, Your word and surrendering my silly self sabotaging, always trying to find ways to  make others happy on my terms, vs. Yours, all the time life… to You.  You truly do save!

~

So I am grateful for our car conversation on my way to work this morning while Erich cared for the boys at home on his break.  Very eye opening.  I am grateful for the conversation between another “truth seeker” later on that morning which was respectful and open but authentic to our maintaining who we are – believers in different faith systems.  You are not a system to me, You are simply and most beautifuly my loving Father.  I asked to know You more and, here we are.  I am so easily distracted from You so would You just keep me focused on You today, the work You would have me do, the connections You would have me make and the words You would have me say?  Or not say.

I am so grateful for that.  I never knew such an eternal, hand holding love.  Thank you!

Day 204 – 7/23/13
Thank You for letting me know when to put down my dukes and stop swinging. And the wisdom to actually follow through on that.

Day 203 – 7/22/13

7/22/13 Cole has a loose tooth. Finally! The excitement levels are very high for this late loose tooth bloomer. We have been so excited all night! He has been trying every which way to lose it – chewing it into his food, gargling with great force…I asked, “Are you excited because you feel so grown up?” He said, “No, I am excited because I am going to be rich!!!” Well… it is still sweet.  Thank you for these little milestones which truly are so wonderfully big. Also noteworthy, Erich Wenis still gives me butterlies after all these years…

Day 202 – 7/21/13

Contra dancing with Guinness, cousin Stoli and their retractable leashes for me. An early father/son AT trail hike for Nico and Erich Wenis. A morning of mindless HGTV for Cole and I, worship together and then a party with good friends. Good food. Good company. Good weather and lake water temps. A bit of Froyo for Cole and I to wrap things up. And now? A bit of good reading and then an early bedtime. For ME! :))) GOOD DAY! GOOD NIGHT! Thank You!

Day 201 – 7/20/13

Day 201 – 7/20/13 Thank You that we as a family really enjoy being together and love to share so much that we talk with our mouths full at meals, even when we know we shouldn’t. I hide it better than they do but, yes, even me. We need our quiet spaces and places on and off daily but we mostly prefer being in each other’s company. What a gift a family that shares fellowship truly is. That fellowship draws us closer to one another and to You, as You intended from the start. What a plan of enjoyment You have for us. Thank You.

Day 200 – 7/19/13

We thoroughly enjoyed the three days and two nights we had with Vincent Inciong and Emily Troncone Inciong. I didn’t want it to end! I especially enjoyed our morning walk today in which Vince patiently listened to all the things I love about Main Street, as we walked through town. It is nice to exchange hopes and dreams with your kid brother. We used to do that a lot. Next, what a wonderful visit with Sabine and her super Mommy Raina Uhden whom I have loved since our year abroad in France a gazillion years ago. Also so grateful to Victoria Munoz who was just so kind to hire Nico during the Fairy Festival at Flanders tomorrow to help her move about (she hurt her foot) and to join her in playing “fairy music” on their whistles for a few hours. What a neat old fashioned sort of job to be asked to do at his age. It was so great of her to come today to review recorder with him and show him neat fairy sounding tricks on the whistle. Thank you for your faith in Nico and for giving him a real chance to do a great job. He also has a renewed desire to pick up the recorder again. That is really something. And later tonight, I get to meet with creative artists from our church to do all we can with our gifts for Your glory in the world. How grateful am I?

Day 199 – 7/18/13

Veronica Boulden, you have reshaped my idea of breakfast. I have enjoyed a week of sauteed kale, provolone and fried eggs most of this week. I will switch it up with spinach and other greens but what long lasting energy in the mornings from such a super breakfast combination. I am cooking in coconut oil too so even yummier! THANK YOU!

Day 198 – 7/17/13

My little bro and his family are staying with us. Having a very nice time with Vincent Inciong, Emily Inciong, Becca and Stoli.  Thank You!

Day 197 – 7/16/13

Hired our oldest guy to help me teach a kids class today. He did very well. Took it very seriously and was very clear explaining what he was showing them. In the olden days, his wanting to teach my classes over doing what I asked was a real challenge. Remember Dawn Allen, Heather Cramer and Diane Macleod? Now, he gets to help lead like he always wanted. Cool. I love how that there is truly a season for everything.

Day 196 – 7/15/13

6/15/13 I don’t always handle teaching moments very well. I forget to stop, pray for wisdom… I mess up. I love whenErich Wenis sweeps in with a seriously phenomenal way of handling where I have left off. The night ended with both boys presenting (in CC presentation style, without prompting) reports on who they think we are as a family, whether our actions reflect this and where we can improve. He even had them looking up definitions in the dictionary, reading them outloud,so they really understood the words they were using. I was trying not to cry from pride at all my boys and watching my man lead his sons. It was a very good moment.

Day 195 – 7/14/13

Grateful to see Cole enjoy himself at a birthday party without his big bro. He was uneasy at first but ended up not wanting to leave first few times I tried to gather us up. He remembered how much he enjoys playing without big bro over his shoulder. Thanks Anissa Bucelloni Mazouzi for such a nice time. Also grateful for my evening walk with Nico, after Cole and I returned. We were double and triple daring each other to pull stunts on Main St. Some involved tresspassing so I had to decline, drawing the line at not having our names on the police report in the morning! Great fun, either way!

Day 194 – 7/13/13

Natural numbers, whole numbers, integers, decimals, fractions, percentage, mixed numbers, exponents, square roots, scientific notation, operations… My head was spinning working out our arithmetic exercises with Erich on day two of our homeschooling conference with CC. The bad news: It is frustrating and eye opening to realize I can’t remember how to do some of this stuff because I learned “tricks” to pass tests, without having a true understanding of how numbers relate to mathematical rules and laws! The good news: Erich and I are learning classical tools to understand this stuff for life and will be able to help our boys stretch their brains to do the same. Third day of conference and I am so grateful You have lead us to CC. It is definitely the right fit for us. Thank You for this free parent practicum for E and I and tutor training for myself. The boys are really enjoying their arithmetic themed camp – and very affordable – exposure as well. Can’t wait for our second year at CC!

Day 193 – 7/12/13

6/11/13 Grateful for day one of our first Classical Conversations Practicum session. We have been waiting a long time for this! I loved being “classmates” with Erich as we reviewed this year’s topic – arithmetic – and learned to see how it is actually fun and in EVERYTHING. This is exactly what the kids are going to continue to learn. Cole loved his geography/drawing camp and Nico his trigonometry camp. So excited to have been with tutors in training for campuses in Fairfield, New Milford, Newtown, Southbury CT and even Rhode Island and NYC. Hooray for this educational model for homeschoolers. Never would have dreamed we would have an opportunity to teach our children (and ourselves what we missed in our own education) like this! Can’t wait for the next two days we have left!

Day 192 – 7/11/13

I am re-posting this song because since our friend has gone so triumphantly back home I have just had the privilege of having the most amazing conversations with different friends in one night. Amazing. And, God touched things continue to happen in our lives. I will share in due time. (Moms, NOT pregnant!) But, my gosh, how could I do anything but keep singing this song? What do I have to lose on this earth that truly belongs to me? You are the only one I get to take home and go home to. All the other stuff I have ever known… what good is any of it without You? I am tired of half living. I am tired of thinking what I see in front of me is all there is. And I have lived this way. I am floating on air at Your goodness! I know I am totally freaking out my non-believing friends. Or, entertaining them. I can’t help it! You are so awesome! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ohvhmGSfxI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Day 191 – 7/10/13

Grateful for quiet time to read our books and that Cole was back on the piano. That means I am back on the piano too. These are the best times for me, when we take the time to get fed. We also enjoyed Quassy for about an hour after review work. And, at night, we were fortunate to bid Chris Ryff adieu for now and get to hug his lovely wife. And even with his soul free, his body preparing waiting for its final rest, he had that pastor working to bring brothers and sisters into the kingdom. Specific directive from Chris it seems, including meat and potatoes scripture.  Where you go Chris, I cannot wait one day to follow.

Day 190 – 7/9/13

7/8/13 You called me back to You with a song. You flipped the switch. You took this nomad and gave her a home in You. This past Sunday, Alabaster was one of the songs we sang to You.bYou know I will be singing it to You forever, right? Of course You do. Thank You for this song.

Day 189 – 7/8/13

7/7/13 A little slow going but we are getting our kitchen counters replaced. It was a family event, picking out the countertop. We knew it would matter to at least one of the kids that we valued their opinion so it was a family adventure today a-hunting one down. While they knew we had the final say, it was very nice listening to Nico make his case for his preference. He was trying to be practical and yet persuasive. Trying not to sound too excited or disappointed one way or another. His explanations were in depth, like his long winded mother. Cole’s opinion on the counters? “Whatever you want Nico.” As he said this, he was engrossed fiddling with his giant new calculator. Erich and I tried not to laugh at the dynamic between these two. Nico was very proud his brother held his opinion with such high regard. We were proud of Cole for knowing his brother enough to realize how to politely and encouragingly tell him to bugger off, while playing with his numbers. These two are a trip and a half. :)))) So grateful You placed us in charge of their upbringing. (And in many ways, that they are in charge of our continued upbringing too.)

Day 188 – 7/7/13

This Independence Weekend ChrisRyff is free of pain. I would worry about his heart being broken for being separated from his beautiful wife and son but I know he is in the room the Lord has been preparing for him. I am sure his welcome was tremendous, as a most beloved son of God. We can talk about faith. We can live out our faith. Clearly this man did both. Thank you Chris for giving me the courage to come out in my faith. When I learned you were sick, I was in a place of eager yet hesitant resistance. He asks us to leave so much behind at times to follow Him. Toward Him meant away from other things I was not ready to let go of. And then I heard you speak so faithfully in His name at your dinner. I saw your face light up when musicians sang your favorite praise songs at a concert in which you brought strangers and friends together for you. You, with stage four breast cancer got up and offered to minister to anyone who wished to know your peace from Jesus. I caught that and it stunned me. We thought we were there for you but you were there for us. Thankfully, mercifully, you get to continue to see your family and friends from up there. Our rooms aren’t ready for us yet, so we have to wait to see you. But your voice will be heard for decades to come by people like me, people you didn’t even know you touched like this. “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Today you fell, like a great big tree, but you were not alone. We heard you were in the hospital and we were on our knees praying harder for you. It seems that is just what you do. What a divine, fullfilled purpose. You bring people together. You bring them to Him. And the answer is YES! Everyone whose life you touched heard you fall and the echoes, the testament of your purposeful obedient life, resonated loudly and will continue to do so for years and years to come. Thank you for blessing us with your life and, now, blessed brother, be free.

Day 187 – 7/6/13

It is pretty overwhelming to see this first article I wrote for La Tribuna translated and available in Spanish and Portuguese as well. Very grateful for the opportunity to contribute to this publication monthly regarding all things prenatal, mommy and baby, and family centered. Please check La Tribuna out on FB and consider liking their page. They are a newspaper based out of Danbury that covers stories on and especially for the immigrant community. They not only serve English, Spanish, and Portuguese readers but cover topics pertinent to the local Indian and Lebanese communities as well. Thank You for such a resource!

Day 186 – 7/5/13

So this is the kid I used to have to push and pull on his tricycle along Main St. Now, Guinn and I have to run to keep up. Nope, they surely do not stay small.

Day 185- 7/4/13

Happy Independence Day at Quassy with friends. Grateful our American spirit for independence allows Erich and I so many freedoms when it comes to raising and educating our family, worshiping our God… I absolutely take nothing for granted when it comes to this. Thank You so much for the freedoms that come with living here. Please guide us to use the gift of that freedom carefully and wisely!

Day 184 – 7/3/13

THANK YOU for finally giving me the ability to put into words what LITTLEseed Program has been all these years in my heart! Thank you Macaroni Kid Danbury Bethel Ridgefield for this article!http://danbury.macaronikid.com/article/521499/littleseed-program-mommy-baby-classes

Day 183 – 7/2/13

Oh to dream a little dream… The boys and I want this house: http://smallhousebliss.com/2013/06/01/diagon-alley-passive-house-by-workshopl/ and build it up north somewhere where there’s lots of land. We get ourselves a couple of yurts, I decorate them and we rent them out. Erich can build furniture, make soaps and lead light backpacking trips. (This is a light camping sort of crowd of course – yurting and all.) I can write more LITTLEseed songs and. Nico wants a horse and pond. Cole just wants us to keep the little house white, please. It’s a plan. We’d better give Erich a heads up. Yup. Today is a dream day. Thank you for the inspiration and hope in silly dreamy things.

Day 182 – 7/1/13

Cole is still the best birthday present I ever got in my life and I am so grateful to be sharing his birthday with him for the last seven years now and counting. I will also never forget the blessing way good friends threw me the night before his birth. I was so happy and relaxed, they brought him to come out a whole three weeks ahead of time! : )

Day 181 – 6/30/13

Going to bed before 10:30pm. It’s gonna happen. Campsite is just getting started with its partying (sigh) but Cole is out, Nico’s curiosity over the loud banter will wane, Erich is probably dead tired and it is going to be a good night’s sleep. Thank you for helping us fall asleep no matter what time everyone else gets to bed.

Day 180 – 6/29/13

I got my physical at 8:45am this morning. I registered Guinness on time with the town this YEAR for the first time ever! I renewed my license and did not completely ruin my DMV photo. Wahoo! We picked up our inner tubes for some weekend fun. We hit Quassy between the rains. Kids rained water shooters on each other and a friend despite the rain when we got back from Quassy. I got to walk Guinness and take Cole biking during Nico’s class. Erich got home and then I went food shopping. I got home and watched Erich and the boys wrestle. Best news of all, I finally figured out why I am tired every other day! After rattling off this list, I now realized I am not tired every other day because I am getting too old. Hooray! I am getting tired coz I am insane when it comes to my calendar. Good grief I run us ragged when I am on vacation!!! I need to learn to just chill out….. :))))))))))))

Day 179 – 6/28/13

I get brothers bicker and they need to learn to work things out for themselves. There’s a point when bickering becomes more frequent than it needs to be and eventually becomes a part of who we are to one another. Bicker-mates. Scales can be allowed to tip too far in that direction. No parent wants that for her child. Memories of too much arguing today can taint the way we remember one another tomorrow. Families have a great deal of human grace for one another, but we can use that grace up if we don’t replenish it with regular deliberate acts of love that speaks to each individual. Enter You. Thank You for sharing that a simple letter from one brother to the other, including only the POSITIVE UPLIFTING reasons he loves him would help bring to light the much more endearing peace they can offer vs. the discord. What beautiful heart warming letters they wrote to one another. I am saving those. Their shy smiles while reading them reflected relief that this is truly who they are and want to be for each other. How one admires the other after all! We can’t take for granted how much more time needs to be spent being kind. It is much easier to fall into a chronic pattern of frustration than to choose to see the good, the bright side of being brothers, family, friends. Thank You for reminding us You want so much more for us than we all too often settle for. Thank You for protecting their brotherly love and for this exercise which, by the way, made for an excellent writing, grammar and spelling assignment as well.

Day 178 – 6/27/13

I have known many women who work outside of their home and do not homeschool. I have also known many homeschooling women who don’t work outside of their home. It is rare for me to meet someone like me who both works outside the home and homeschools. Yesterday I spent time with an acquaintance who has become a friend and new confidante. We share very similar challenges when it comes to both and both rely on You to help us make it through. For so many reasons I know this is going to be an even better year because of this new friendship. I believe we are new “helpmeets” for one another and our boys now too have a new friend to jump in and out of streams with and learn to fish now too. I am very grateful for such a match!

Day 177 – 6/26/13

Someone shared this with me and my heart sang. Bono truly has a heart for You and knows You. Would that I too could be this bold for You.

“I thought you would like this story from TheBlaze.com Bono, U2’s lead singer, made headlines this week after excerpts were released from his fascinating radio interview with Focus on the Family (FOF), a Christian organization. Today, the group made available the entire exchange, offering it on the FOF website. From discussing his passion for helping the poor to…

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/25/famed-rock-star-opens-up-i-believe-that-jesus-was-the-son-of-god/?utm_ medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews”

Day 176 – 6/25/13

6/25/13 I love when I sit and don’t get up. I know that seems silly, however, it still sets things up for the magical. I normally will end up wedged between the boys, reading to them both. Or, one of them will walk on my back and it feels good. Or, we just end up cuddling too hard, laughing, playing, aggravating one another… When I don’t sit, I can miss all that. I can go go go and completely miss Your sons! I don’t want to miss this gift, this gift of rest. Thank You.

Day175 – 6/24/13

So fortunate the way You provide! First day using our summer pass at Quassy. Thank you 50/50 raffle winnings which certainly helped us decide to get the pass! So close to us and so worthwhile! Great downtime with mommy friends and kids. Hail storm that scared our cujo barker – she does not test thunder! And now movie with Erich. Gotta thank You for orchestrating so many things, lining them up; – from the nearby family friendly amusement park, good company for boys and I and a dog who seeks solace from rumbling skies and finds it behind a wing back chair and a little brother who cares. Thank You for all of it. Oh, and good job on the deer this morning which Guinn and I spotted on our am walk!

Day 174 – 6/23/13

6/23/13 What a long and yet fulfilling day. We all got to church almost on time this morning, despite an earlier service than we normally go to. This is seriously like a miracle for us! We all did some really productive garden work outside – getting our super late veggie plants and even seeds in after tearing up the terrace area – so overdue since we moved here in 2007!!!! Hopeful I can get to the larger garden area for our other late summer veggies ready and filled up this week between the rains and thunder showers. Nico received a couple awards at his karate Quassy Day. So good to see him enjoy the fruits of all his hard work and dedication. That was a really pleasant surprise and we are running out of walls to hang this stuff up. Go Nico! We won the 50/50 which was a serious first time ever for us. : ) That is a lot to celebrate. Thank You for taking care of us every day and for special days like this!

Day 173 – 6/22/13

Well that’s a wrap! Almost ten blessed years teaching at Destination Maternity have come to an end. They have been so good to me. I was going to be sad but I had the best time teaching our last prenatal and mommy and me. I was going to be sad but one of our Dad’s came and totally cheered me up by stopping in and sharing how classes here really helped him, his wife and daughter find their way through pregnancy, their labor and life after. I in turn shared how meaningful this place has been for me – Nico was literally in a sling when I first started teaching here with him IN the sling or on the boob through childbirth classes Erich and I taught, everything! All the conversation kept me distracted and I barely noticed we had emptied the studio and packed and loaded my car. Thank you DM for allowing me to develop my program all these years and for supporting me 150% through this and that idea for classes, bringing in this or that instructor, changing my classes to LITTLEseed Program and for the hundreds of connections we mothers, husbands and children have all shared. And now? Just read a few books to my little date, Cole, in my cozy bed and will be taking a very long nap. The sun is shining, our classes at the Birth Center are filling up… it’s a good way to end a chapter. Here is to new beginnings!

Day 172 – 6/21/13

Erich took Nico to karate and they return for dinner. Cole and I are home. Nowhere to go tonight and no one to be with but each other for the rest of the night. I am really really loving that. Thank You for our family.

Day 171 6/20/13

Just heard a bunch of coyotes howling their heads off. Sounds like they caught something that fought and now… they are quiet. Amazing thing to hear so close by. Grateful for the reminder we really aren’t the only ones who live on this planet. So easy to forget nature is filled with its own characters that play out their own life and death stories day in day out. What a world we live in.

Day 170 – 6/19/13

Two more doors left to close at DM. After, I have about three weeks of rest before I start up classes in Woodbury and at the Birth Center. Truth be told, I have had about five years of needing such a sojourn but have been too vroom vroom vroom to ask for some time off. Funny when you stop and look back at where you were and are so easily able to ask, “How did I DO that?” Well, I am pretty sure it is what I needed to do. I certainly didn’t do it on my own either. Nope. Pretty sure someone surrounded me with earthly angels to make everything somehow manageable, completely fulfilling and worthwhile. And now this brand new fresh chapter ahead. So, as I look at these open(ish) three weeks, I get the message pretty loud and clear. Rest. I am preparing you for the next thing, so rest. So, thank You for being direct, I think I will!

Day 169 – 6/18/13

Grateful for good hee haw laughter with the boys over their older friends admitting to liking girls and their even (gasp!) naming them out loud. “What is WRONG with them, Mom?!” Ironically, this lead to them asking me to share again how Erich and I met when I was much much much much older than their friends are now. While their friends have clearly mutated into this new goofy they find horrifying, the Mommy and Daddy falling in love story always delights them. Me too. 

Day 168 – 6/17/13

Can I still be grateful for my husband? I know Father’s Day is over and all but I have been a very very busy woman this last decade and it occurs to me, how solid he has been, as I have done nothing but change change change. Each year he holds my hand, stands by me, quietly assuring me, we’ll be alright, keep going, whatever it is I am doing. So, it’s still Father’s Day around here and we’ll celebrate it daily because, Erich Wenis, you are something else. Yeah, one day isn’t enough.

Day 167 – 6/16/13

And now, a goodnight lullaby for all you wonderful fathers out there. This is a song I wrote for my Pop, which I recorded with Barry Hartglass last year.

Enjoy and keep it up Dads – you mean so much to your children, whether you are here with us or looking down from above.

Erich Wenis, I hope you know, truly, how fantastic of a father you are.

Far Away – A Daughter’s Song for Her Dad
http://greenwomanyc.com/FarAway.mp3

Day 166 – 6/15/13

First camp out of the season with Pack 467. Grateful for a cool night which should make for a good night’s sleep… and the poor little toddler in a neighboring tent has stopped crying. That will help too. 

Day 165 – 6/14/13

Thank You for, little by little, mending hearts, especially on days like this. Even when we turn our backs to You again the rest of the year, in feverish pursuit of our things, our friends, our ideas, our self importance, You will continue to mend away. What love is this? Thank You for it!

Day 164 – 6/13/13

Thank You for goodbyes. They are often bittersweet but, without them, we could not close chapters and turn to the next page. We are all travellers here, moving from one place of growth to the next. Goodbye, sweet friend returning to Germany. We will miss your sweet smile.

Day 163 6/12/13

I am glad for opportunities to change course some days. I planned to hit the beach all day with the kids and some friends and then found out about this weather. We really could use some catch up time sitting and reviewing last year’s history, Latin, grammar and math with the boys, caring for our home, weeding and planting our garden… Can’t do any of that when I’ve scheduled to be out of the house all day. Thank You for the way You lead me in and out of better plans for us. Sometimes my whirlwind ideas can only be snuffed out – esp. when I haven’t thought out my timing very well – by things I can’t control like, Your weather!

Day 162 – 6/11/13

I am very grateful for this newsletter and my website that I learned how to work on all by my big girl self. Yes, kudos to me because, just ask Erich Wenis how this happened and he will tell you a techie alien took over his “still stuck trying to figure out how to use a fax machine wife.” Yes, I did it all by myself and I am proud! Computers are not normally my friends. : ) Grateful too that homeschooling, son chore managing, housekeeping and getting dinner on the tabling went well, in spite of my bum being fastened to a chair since late Sun afternoon working on this. And now, Cole asked me to please go upstairs and, “Why?” asked I to which he said,”So we can cuddle and read books.” How can I resist?! Thank You for walking me through this step by step.

Day 161 – 6/10/13

So much to be grateful for today.  Quassy Homeschool day was terrific.  Lots of catching up with friends we haven’t seen since our Classical Conversations Homeschool Coop ended for the year in April, since we left CHANGE coop last winter…Thankful the kids were both old enough to hit most of the rides without me… The rain held off until the last hour of the day there (thanks you to Theresa Schulz’ Sarah) … very very nice.  But what I am really grateful for is this image I hope to keep of Cole forever.  Just early this morning he was speaking to me but not just with his mouth – his whole body.  I love how children’s bodies cannot contain the conversations they are just dying to have with us day in and day out.  I know how special and precious that is.  I definitely want to hold onto that.

Day 160 – 6/9/13

Really so thankful for my husband Erich Wenis. If there is anything I can count on, he is always his best self. He also makes it his job to try and make things easier for me if he can. He doesn’t always guess right what that would be but boy does he make it his business to, when he can. : )))) He listens. He really really listens. Even when my sentences don’t come out straight anymore. I guess I give up – he really can’t read my mind – but he will patiently wait for me to try and articulate, even if I am frustrating myself because I now say things like, “I folded the dishes so if you could help load the laundry” without even noticing what was wrong with that sentence. He always wants to try something new and actually has the patience to figure it out, no matter what. I find that fascinating. He supports me through thick and thin. Do we argue? Of course. Does he drive me crazy? Yes. Do I drive him crazy? You bet. But, I wouldn’t want to grow crazy or grow crazy old with anyone else. So that is my gratitude post for the night. It is an ode to Erich.

Day 159 – 6/8/13

Long awaited visit with Bonne Mama. As for me, nothing like being in the arms of my Mommy. See you soon Mom VickyAmbe! Thanks for the bonus drop by Vincent Inciong and Emily Inciong.

Day 158 – 6/7/13

So grateful You are who You have always said You are. We change. You never do.

Day 157 – 6/6/13 You are dismantling my life and telling me, “Sit back, you are under construction. I have different plans for you now. It is I who will rebuild. Rest in me while I work on my creation. You are mine.” I am putting my feet up, Papa, with a smile on my face, and watch in anticipation and wonder.

Day 156 – 6/5/13

Grateful for heartfelt reunions with now far away friends! LOVE you guys Michelle Golino!

Day 155 – 6/4/13

Thank You that children are more like You than we sometimes take the time to realize. We can’t always understand why they do things, their timing, but their capacity to love and forgive us, one another… I just want to have that in me all the time and so badly! They make it look so easy. Thank You for Your work in me though them.

Day 154 – 6/3/13

Grateful their bedroom is now also our new schoolroom. Nice to have a big enough space that accommodages their reference books, school/drawing desk, art supplies, everything. Goes with the whole learn/create at any and every opportunity theme homeschooling has become for us.

Thank You.Day

153 – 6/2/13

Living for myself = good. Living for others = better. Living for You? Priceless. Thank You for the privilege!

Day 152 – 6/1/13

It occurred to me last night that I have fallen into that “nine is not an easy age.” Except, I saw it from my kid’s perspective instead of mine. So, at 6am, I woke kid one out of bed and invited him for a walk. He said, “No!” I tried again, “You sure you don’t want to? Just you and me like before when I would take you on your bike before Dad went to work? Wanna have an adventure, just you, me and Guinnes before Dad and Cole get up?” Just like that, he was out of bed, dressed and we were on a one on one date hitting the bakery and taking a walk through a sleeping still town. Nine IS a hard age. You want your mom but can’t show anyone in public. Your parents launch you into this “we expect more from you because you are older.” No more cuddling. No more babying. At least not in front of anyone because you are too big. At least now I can be there for him at the break of dawn and he can feel like he has my full attention again. Who doesn’t want to feel like the most favorite important kid in the world? Even when you only want that in private when the whole world is still asleep? Yey. Thank You for helping me see his needs and appreciate them over mine. Nine IS hard. But now it can also be a year for special one on one memories for us too. Thank You.

Day 151 – 5/31/13

First thing in the am. Cole: Mom, I took a picture with your phone. Me: What is it of? Cole: See? My yooovyuuulla. So grateful for kid randomness. I mean, when was the last time you took a photo of yours? LOL.

Day 150 – 5/30/13

On June 23rd this amazing place will close its Learning Studio doors forever and reopen without it next to Whole Foods. That day I get to officially retire from my role as “prenatal/baby and me yoga teacher” to focus on LITTLEseed Program founder and instructor http://www.greenwomanyc.wordpress.com. I retired from the former in my heart and soul in 2012, but the title has stuck for the many beautiful mothers I have been privileged to serve and absolutely love here. Not many people can love their place of work, the people they work with and their occupation as much as I have. Not to mention our boys practically grew up from life in a sling (Nico) and while in the womb (Cole) here. I teach lately and fondly imagine what these walls will whisper they so proudly have been a part of for so many years. So many moms, babies, loving partners… hundreds of new beginnings. Time to grow on my own now. Safety and comfort of the cocoon time is over. When I leave here I will spread new wings through to the next stage of this blessed life. It’s lined up already, just have to keep walking peacefully towards it. Thank you DM for everything. Absolutely everything I got to be a part of because of the greatest opportunity I have had working here. I drove away singing “Edelweis” today. LOL. Really has been “home sweet home” from the beginning. Not long now… it is going to be an emotional day.

Day 149 – 5/29/13

So at 3:30am our dog wakes me with the sound of her gentle tinkling on the floor because we fell asleep early and didn’t let her out late. After cleaning that up, I got to thinking. I have a floor to clean up, beds to rest our heads protected from the calm elements… multiple places to sit in our homes at the end of the day… a place to store, cook, eat our food… running water, indoor plumbing, electricity… one another. This reminder is bitter sweet. Oklahoma. All over our nation. Our world. So many people homeless, hungry, helpless. Every day. Where are they sleeping? Where is their next meal? In an instant we could loose all of this. Everything. Everyone. This has always been the case. So, I had to clean up after my dear dog in the middle of the night but I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful. I don’t deserve to have any of this over anyone else. Nothing is ours truly. No guarantees but You. I don’t want to live in that place of “invincible” anymore. I would rather live knowing how vulnerable we are. I would rather live in that place than take any of these temporary gifts forgranted ever.

Day 148 – 5/28/13

SHORT VERSION: Really grateful for the impromptu “school rooms” everywhere we go. Barely spent time at home today but it all worked out great! THANK YOU!

LONG VERSION: With back to back days, I am really pressed to be creative, when facilitating the kids’ learning. Today we began with Genesis notes, CC review and reading about Thomas Edison in their bedroom all before breakfast. Afterwards, I had a business meeting at Panera while each child was given the task to read library books and report on George Washington (Cole) and Marco Polo (Nico) while sitting at the next table. While I caught up on my laptop at Panera, Nico did some drawing and then finished up some math and Cole took notes for his report. Panera was our cafeteria today and then we grabbed a new swimsuit for Nico at the store and they spent their recess time at the pool. While they swam, I took care of bills and doctor phone calls. We came home to do some laundry, let the dog out, left again shortly after, and the boys got to watch a fun movie while I stepped away to teach in the room next door. The day ended with a long dinner discussion and then more reading. THANK YOU!

Day 147 – 5/27/13

Home made birthday breakfast for Erich and, as it is Memorial Day and he is Den leader of Nico’s cub scouts pack, we continued our day honoring our brave men and women at the New Milford Parade.  Parade was cut short as a young boy was injured during the parade – he should be okay, though taken away by ambulance – so our birthday celebration for Mr. Erich Wenis went full force early.  Outdoor lunch, his annual birthday hike and a delicious dinner.  Happy Birthday to the love of my life and a wonderful father to our two boys.  Read and re-read the kids’ card for you listing why and how much they love you.  Always and forever your Michelle.

Day 146 – 5/26/13

_________________________________ (fill in the blank because today I can’t pick just one.) Soon, I shall reveal why but for now will revel in the absolutely “fullfillingness” of it all. And, just so the mother figures in my life don’t start holding their breath, no, we are not pregnant. But, something is in the works of being born, it has been coming together for some time and I am just so very very thrilled about it.

Day 145 – 5/25/13

My favorite of all Zach’s goodbye videos. So grateful for angels who walk among us and leave us more whole because they were here. God bless Zach’s family in this painful time of temporary separation. Beautiful family friends, human beings. There is hope for us still…see?

Day 144 – 5/24/13

I am grateful for the out-of-my-comfort-zone moments in life which grow either my anxiety levels or trust levels and bring us ever closer on our walk together.

Day 143 – 5/23/13

Mr. I Sleep In My Bunkbed is back!! Hooray!

Day 142 – 5/22/13

Sooooooooo excited for Cole! Just discovered a “solve up to ten math problems” feature on his alarm clock (my old phone) before being able to hit snooze. Those of you who know his obsession with numbers and calculating can appreciate how thrilled he is going to be to get up and (sorry Nico) set the maximum number of alarms that can go off each morning! So he is adding, subtracting and multiplying double digits already this morning even in his pjs. He is so happy! And so am I.

Day 141 – 5/21/13

Very happy boys and I could attend their cousin Jakob’s “Artist Tea” presentation at school today. It was at Sandy Hook School, for now in Monroe, and I was so touched as we neared the school at all the “Welcome Sandy Hook Student” signs along the road. I was then awed at the group of teachers and children out at recess. There were cops posted everywhere and I thought how truly couragous of them all, living their new normal like that, despite everything. And, by the way, Jakob did great!! Proud of you kiddo!

Day 140 – 5/20/13

Grateful that You alone are judge. Thank You for everyday new eyes to see and and an everyday new heart to love.

Thank You for this beautiful world which none of us could ever replicate – not even almost – in all its wonder. We can try to understand it, pat ourselves on the back when we think we’ve come close, but nothing compares to simply enjoying this natural amusement park. Thank You for preparing such a beautiful world for us. You are amazing!

Day 139 – 5/19/13

What a treat for a kid to participate in his first tournament, get 2nd place, hit his fave El Camino truck for lunch and then Froyo. Nothing fancy needed as it is truly the simple things. . Thank You!

Day 138 – 5/18/13

We all want different things from this life. What I want more than anything I have. What I have no man or woman can ever give or take away and is not meant to be earned but to be received and desired with allt heart and soul.

Just look at this beautiful set up so lovingly prepared by our BSF admin team. We were in Genesis this year and this is how they sent us off for the summer. 25 prayerful women of all Christian denominations having come together at 7am every Sat morning thirsty to know, to share blessings, and to hold one another up through opportunities to persevere.

What a gift to start off our day with tears of gratitude for a triumphant year!

Day 137 – 5/17/13

You know how I was singing the other day? And sang some more the following day? Well, I still am. Thank you, The Blackthorn Project. http://music.theblackthornproject.com/album/reckless

Day 136 – 5/16/13

Hooray! I am going to be a Classical Conversations Tutor next year at our Southbury Campus! Just met with our Director and some of our other tutors this afternoon while the kids had a chance to meet some of their new classmates. Can’t wait to grow through the experience and the added responsibility/accountability. Four years ago I didn’t even know homeschooling was in our future. Now, it is a source of pride, joy and unending opportunity to encourage and facilitate all kinds of growth for each individual as well as for us collectively as a family. THANK YOU!

Day 135 – 5/15/13

Woke up to a good friend visiting – the one we nabbed for the night. . After a lovely breakfast with her we mad dashed out the door… blessed by moms with babies while the boys did their work, a fruitful swim class for Coley fish as Nico and I bonded over math review… A family night at Coco Key and great way to celebrate Erich Wenis‘ return from his unexpected and short business trip. Yep. A light day for the Wenis family, ’twas.

Day 134 – 5/14/13

A morning for drawing. A late afternoon math review and reading. A room with moms and their babes. A walk with a friend. A wood duck. An egret. A grand ol sycamore tree. A river, her (our) river rats and our wet marine geologist dawg back in the water. A dinner turned sleepover. Thank You for days like this!

Day 133 – 5/13/13

One of the best days ever. Sunshine. Cool breeze. Laying down on cropped green grass. Looking up at pink dogwood skies. Shivering under blankets together, warm hearts as we shared Huck Fin to the last page while up in the trees… Incredulous at Samuel Clemens’ biography to top off. Leave it to Beaver episode as we sorted, put away two loads of laundry together. Boys drawing on the front porch as I prepped/cooked up half the week’s meals. Erich time. Touching last night of bible study for the school year – Yey, I was in Nico’s class. Never in his class this year!! So how did this all happen in one day? Maybe coz we started the day saying together, “Thank You, God, for this day. Now we give it to You!”

Days 131 & 132 – 5/11 & 5/12/2013…Started my Mother’s Day Celebration early Sat afternoon and “unplugged” to fully enjoy time with my favorite guys.Last night our boys slept in their bunk beds for the first time and my emotions were mixed. After cosleeping, or, at least always welcoming them in ours or their beds all these years, I am grateful for the years we have enjoyed such closeness from this.Today, Mother’s day, my first thought of gratitude was for our loving Father who is our first refuge and comfort and then for my Mom, Vicky Ambe, and how grateful I am for the unique and beautiful creation that she is. I am blessed to have learned so much by her example. She is a strong, accomplished, beautiful, and fiercely loving mother.My mother in law and Step Mom were also in my heart today as well as my friends.Today was lazy and just perfectly what I needed. I got my Mother’s Day eggs Benedict breakfast in bed with fruit and roasted garlic spread – all three guys were in the kitchen doing something to make this happen. Everything was made from scratch!We had a great church service and spent the afternoon outside in the treehouse and on the front lawn. The guys’ all out wrestling match against Erich had me in stitches. Lots of reading from Huckelberry Finn too; reading together is one of my favorite things.Hope you too were with your favorite people in the world! So grateful for their love and support, especially Erich’s, day in out that makes motherhood such the best thing ever!Hope you all had a very Happy Mother’s Day!

Day 130 – 5/10/13

One tree hugger + another tree hugger = Two tree huggers.

Day 129 – 5/9/13

Still singing….

Day 128 – 5/8/13 I. LOVE. TO. SING!!!!!! And I just LOVE THIS SONG. I love their SOUND. I love their MINISTRY. And I know, my darling children watching me with wonder, that this non-stop singing mother of yours is glowing more than normal over her singing these last few days but I didn’t think I would ever find music I would like again since having babies…. (kids audio books are my thing these last couples years) but THIS ALBUM IS SURELY FOR ME!!!!!!!!! Can’t wait to check out the others but I can’t get past this song. Thank You for helping me FIND this. Stirs me to the CORE and soothes my every part. And it is GREAT for dancing in the rain, anytime, anywhere! : )))))))http://music.theblackthornproject.com/track/mud-song-2

Day 127 – 5/7/13

Mother/son duets. Man, I wish you could hear Nico and I SING it to this one…. http://music.theblackthornproject.com/track/too-proud-2. What deep comfort in these words.

Day 126 – 5/6/13 Three generations of Indiana Jones enjoyment. What a great tradition – watching these favorite movies together.

Day 125 – 5/5/13

Today, as in every day, I get to start all over again.  By this I mean in the way I see everything and everyone.  Whatever situation comes my way, however the people in my life respond, is not up to me and doesn’t much matter in the grand scheme of things.  Gratitude and appreciating each situation as a gift or a lesson in perseverance, loving others, friend or foe, no matter what the situation, IS up to me.  Not always easy but I know whom to lean on when I need a hand.  Why?  Because of one big giant beautiful word: REDEEMED!

Day 124 – 5/4/13 Anxiously waiting for a train to arrive with precious cargo. Even for just a few more days, we can taste again what life might be like a little in the Philippines. Back there, our little family is not so little and there isn’t such the price of independence and separation from one another. Thank You for another chance to be with my Pop and Step Mom, back from their Mexico trip, before they return to the Philippines for another year.

Day 123 – 5/3/13

Yep, spring is in the front yard alright!  What’s not to be grateful for?????

Day 122 – 5/2/13

Was putting together my post last night for this date but trailed off to sleep with my fingers on the phone. Don’t remember now what I was going to write about. It was a very nice day from beginning to end is all I remember. So, backtracking a little, I guess I would have been grateful for a chance to go to bed early and to have some Guinness playtime in the morning.

Day 121 – 5/1/13

Boy did You know what I needed today AND HOW! 🙂

Freya Dittrich, always like floating on a cloud with you. And today, we could have touched one, had there been any!

Day 120 – 4/30/13

Day 119 – 4/29/13

Day 118 – 4/28/13

Kids want to know if it is safe to be blood brothers with others of different blood types in the pricking fingers sense.  I wonder… “Um… where is this going and how do we make sure it isn’t somewhere unsanitary with friends, etc..?”  I explain, , “Well, we don’t normally like to handle anyone else’s blood because sometimes we may have some blood diseases that are secret and we don’t want to share those.”  They ask, “How do we know if one has a secret blood disease?”  I explain, it’s really hard to tell unless you test blood.  So, better to play it safe and let’s not do any blood sharing.”  Turns out they want to pin prick each other and be blood brothers, just the two of them and continue, “So, do we have to worry about blood diseases?”  I answer, “No, I think we’re okay, the two of you, I think are fine.  But, no worries, you already are blood brothers because you share Mom and Dad.”  The older one says, “Okay, but the problem is, he has my blood because I came out first but I don’t have his blood, so he’s not part of me.  So, can we?”  I kind of got stuck there, smiling.  THESE KIDS!  Love when I get a chance to see how they see things.  Smile smile smile.

Day 117 – 4/27/13

SO MUCH FUN! Yay for our little town of Woodbury and our FANTASTIC Earth Day Fair! Gooooo Erich Wenis and his flying off the table Moonbeam Artisan soaps. Yeah Robin Bresson’s origami flowers that made so many so happy and smile! Yippie LITTLEseed Program DEMO families! Could not have asked for a more gorgeous day!!

Day 116 – 4/26/13

Very happy to be in business with you Mr. Erich Wenis!  Maybe one day we’ll have elves help us with our homegrown business.  Meanwhile…. we had better get to bed!  Early start tomorrow!  Woodbury Earth Day, here we come!

Day 115 – 4/25/13

While I can thirstily, hungrily seek comfort, assurance, a sense of belonging, validation, love… in all these other places sometimes, moments like these, I am reminded, “My love is sufficient.” – The Great I Am. All I had to do was be still and look out the window.

This reminds me, I witnessed the most beautiful face on Nico through the rearview mirror, driving home yesterday and I had to ask what it was he was thinking of.

Mesmerised, he responded, “God is talking to me, Mom. I am looking at the clouds and the sun and it is like I see He is reaching out to me right above with His arms stretched out like this.”

I wish I got a photograph of the peaceful joy his face radiated, but God has planted the memory of it in my heart.

It is true, what I have heard, as a parent I will fail this boy in so many ways but He has and knows our Father, who never ever will.

THANK YOU!!

Day 114 – 4/24/13
If home is where the heart is, part of us is on our way to Mexico. See ya soon Lolo and Lola! Have a great trip! Thanks Nico for trying to cheer us up with a special tree house lunch. Next, Coley fish back in the water for swim class! Finally! Wow, can I pull off bringing them every single day to family swim? They would be soooo happy.

Day 113 – 4/23/13

“Stay gold, Pony Boy, stay gold.”

Day 112 – 4/22/13

Grateful for Erich and Lolo and their stamina for board games and conversations like..

Nico: Lolo, can we catch our bird today?
Lolo: First, we will do some target practice (with our slingshot).

Those words just wouldn’t come out naturally to me. And even when I try…

Me: Cole.. did you want me to play Monopoly with you while you wait for Lolo?
Cole: Sorry, Mom, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but Lolo and I need to finish our game.

Day 111 4/21/13
Happy Birthday Pop! Grateful for such a meaningful visit so far. Enjoy your day and see you soon!

Day 110 – 4/20/13
So, the boys want to know if, when they are in college, they can take the same classes and be dorm mates or do they have to only be in classes with kids their age. Yes, I am grateful for that.

Day 109 – 4/19/13 –

3/3 is great but 2/3 ain’t bad. Thanks for sibling time with Pop and Tita Wilms, spouses and children.

Day 108 – 4/18/13

We are made perfectly but we aren’t ever perfect in everything we do. We try to fill them up, these holes within us this way and that way to try and make up for our own interpretation of what we should be but we can’t. We try to patch up the seemingly broken clay as if we even have an inkling what went into us, this incredible creation. But, guess what, we are not broken in the sense that we judge brokenness. We are a work in progress. We are “caution when wet” at times and “road work ahead.” We are “right lane closed” and even “deer (in headlights) crossing.” We sometimes get stuck on the potholes, the sheer number and sometimes ugliness of them, and freak out during the blind side moments while we try to drive drive drive. We try to fill up those potholes ourselves, helplessly, recklessly with our own stuff, our own muck, try to see beyond what we can manage to understand, to make things our own and belong to us… As if we can find all the answers within us when we are only half the story. : ) It is a good way to see things – someone else, the other half whose image I am made in, is going to fill in the holes at the right time with the right stuff better than I ever could. And the best part is, this is exactly the blueprint of the design.

Day 107 – 4/17/13

Grateful for the Woodbury Pewter Shop and the Bent of the River bird sanctuary. Both local treasures to us and perfectly delivered an ideal day, when plans to leave on time for PA and then even the Roxbury quarry fell through.

Day 106 – 4/16/13
Long meals and storytelling about my grandparents and my Dad’s mischief, brothers, sisters and what the Philippines looks like now… cooking for one another, Filipino chicharia (snacks) and new Tagalog words for the boys… foraging the barn and woods for bird trap parts, building a trap and sitting and waiting to catch a bird every day… watching a wild turkey in our yard and having to talk Lolo down, “No, we can’t catch it, cook it and eat it!”… digging up worms by the pond across the street and around the barn until twilight with the kids in his winter hat and ear muffs in 50 degree weather… my watchaholic Dad like a kid in a candy store at the Timexpo museum… bundling them up and freezing our buts off at our first bonfire of the season… ice cream and more chicharia up in the tree house… pride in watching Nico’s karate class and snapping photos and videos from beginning to end.. El Camino truck stop and picnic on the bench… days of Monopoly that Cole gave him discount fines on so the game would almost never end… listening to my younger brother Vincent Inciong play in all his humor and glory at the Dragonfly Cafe and visiting with his family… watching in wonder at the craftsman at work at the Woodbury Pewter store and getting lost for a while in all their unique store items… picnic and stroll by the river and the thousand and one photos that lengthened our meanderings… asking to learn about characters in the boys’ books so he could pick out which one he wanted to be… asking for a turn at Perplexus and to be taught how to play… random poetry recitations… singing in and out of the rain… admiring everything around him from weeds, crocuses and daffodils to Cole’s appetite for cucumbers and anything salad and Nico’s grown uppedness and big brother moments to Cole… First annual reunion with my Dad and Step Mom from their Philippines retirement. A year is too long inbetween so I am holding on to every minute we can be together and they are willing and able to give. I have tried to plan longer daytrips – so many more local things we love we want him to see – but he insists on just staying home or local so we can be together because he and Tita Wilma just love this… A man after my own heart. I love my Dad as the best, most hard working father he could ever have been for us. I love discovering the Lolo (grandpa) in him, now that he can finally have the chance to play. What a blessing to get to know your father as a man and a real honest to goodness warm blooded boy!

Day 105 – 4/15/13 Bent of the River – No delays to our PA trip, the garnet mine closing in Roxbury or rain is going to stop us from having our fun! Even got to picnic by the river before the rains came down.

Day 104 – 4/14/13 Grateful for a morning with my younger bro’s family and a night that ended in my Dad’s and Step Mom’s first Wenis bonfire. Boy, they are up for anything and everything! Just the cold alone by comparison, should stop them but, wherever we go, they go! That’s really something. 🙂

Day 103 – 4/13/13 Grateful we could watch my younger brother play at The Dragonfly Cafe in Somerville, NJ.

Day 102 – 4/12/13 We have abandoned a lot of sleep time for long late night dinner conversations this week. I know sleep is important but we are, all of us, now accustomed to and addicted to all the storytelling, listening and seemingly infinite opportunities to exchange. I can’t even begin to entertain that this time, soon enough, will be coming to a close. For now, let the dots continue to connect and the fibers of our tapestry go on with its weaving. This is the stuff of three generations mingling. And this is the stuff that I wish could last forever.

Day 101 – 4/11/13 Another hoot of a night with Ape. Boy did I enjoy that chance to enjoy music by Baby Brown Girl and catch up with a true good egg peep.

Day 100 – 4/10/13 4/10/13 Grateful that, after collecting their materials and building in the barn, these two could just sit for a while, watch and wait to catch their wild bird and… shhhh…mostly grateful that they did not. Yet.

Day 99 – 4/9/13

There isn’t a cloud in the sky this morning.  There is a breeze keeping the busy bugs away.  The wind chimes are sweet music as our boys sit and draw on the patio.  I am remembering things on my “to do list” one at a time and getting to them when it makes sense to stop what I am doing in pursuit of daily life.  I have felt drops of water on my body.  It is dry out here.  Nothing is dripping under this patio umbrella I just pulled out of the barn.  I first felt the drops on my neck.  Next, my arms.  I went inside the kitchen and drops of water again landed on me as well.  A tickle and then visible on my arms.  Where did they come from?  Outside again, they came.  And a big giant one just landed on my pant leg which is under the patio table.  I asked the boys what they made of all this.  Nico said, “Mom, it’s God.  Pray.  What does he want you to do?”  Cole felt one on his head as well and assures us, “At least it was just one and not like the Chinese water torture drip.”  I am grateful for His mysteries.  I am grateful there is so little I know, ever will know, by comparison to Him.  I am so grateful that while I can struggle so hard to reach others, fail miserably at getting my point across at times, it is so easy for Him and He can do so with humor and such creativity.  So, good morning back, Lord!  Good morning!  I am here!  We are here!  And we know it is simply by Your grace this is so.

Day 98 – 4/8/13

I am so grateful for real life, honest to goodness miracles. Never ever would have dreamed or imagined someone would have a better plan and work harder for my life than me. Never ever have I ever been filled with such peace.

Day 97 – 4/7/13

So grateful for Nick!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOzsjEmjjHs&sns=fb

Day 96 – 4/6/13

Ice cream and afternoon snack just taste better up in the trees!

Day 95 – 4/5/13

I am starting to appreciate the more challenging moments with my guys. When I see them for what they are, teachable moments for us both, I realize these are opportunities we are given to communicate better and learn ways to cope in more difficult situations. Expressing my exhasperation in and of itself, I see in their eyes, just shuts them down and createssmall fissures between us. More often than not, it is like looking at my reflection and seeing behaviors of mine I would rather not see. Who wants to be reminded their faults? Rather than embracing the helplessness this can make me feel, I try to pick myself up, step up and say, “No… let us figure out a different way, this isn’t working, for both our sakes. This is hard for me and it may be for you. What do you think about that? What if we tried to respond to that in this way instead?” It is not easy. But I think this is what parenting is about. Sometimes we are just going to hit walls and we need to learn together how to climb out of the muck. Enjoying each other is the easy part, but the tough stuff is the Potter at work in us at the wheel, evermore encouraging us not to turn on one another and crack. 🙂

Day 94 – 4/4/13

I am grateful my husband and children are secure enough in my love for them the times they point out when I am not a perfect wife or parent. I am grateful they are assured I always want to be my best self for God and for them, though I am not capable of perfection. It doesn’t always feel good to be reminded I am not without faults but I am glad for the humility to hear them out so they can continue to trust, I value the opportunity to grow with them rather than apart from them. The day they stop feeling safe in sharing how they feel about how I handle myself – good or bad – is the they have given up on me. I never want to see that day.

Day 93 – 4/3/13

Grateful for the good old gifts of faith, hope, love and peace. Long back to back day but very good, despite all the time spent driving. Everything just fit somehow and I know it wasn’t my doing but His.

Day 92 – 4/2/13

I am grateful Chris, Bobbi-Jo and Alex know our Father, God, who holds them in His hands and brings them peace and comfort in all times. Fellow Christians, we are part of Christ’s body, whatever your denomination, and I thank you for being part of Chris’ prayer family. Apart from prayer, please join us in singing songs of praise, keeping their family in mind.

Day 91 – 4/1/13 Priceless morning of story telling and jokes with their Lolo. I gotta get ready for work but can’t tear myself away from all the laughs and funny things I have heard over and over again from so many years ago. :)))

Day 90 – 3/31/13

So much to celebrate and be thankful for this resurrection day. “Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), Chris Tomlin” – My chains are gone I’ve been set free My God, my Savior has ransomed me And like a flood His mercy rains Unending love, Amazing grace…

Day 89 – 3/30 My

Dad and Step Mom should be at immigration right now, having arrived from the Philippines!! Can’t wait to have them over the next couple months!! Hooray!! Hooray!!

Day 88 – 3/29/13 “It is done.” As one kid in this house puts it, “I would rather not have come down to this earth, if I were to never know Him.” Amen my son. Amen.

Day 87 – 3/27/13

Gardening with the boys has always been so much more dreamy in my head than in real life. Trampling over things. Staying interested enough to weed with me. So, I sort of gave up on it for us. But dirt and tools did their thing to draw now bigger boys in today. The flower beds – for so long neglected until now – and I are grateful for spring and the fever the boys now have to be a part of helping things grow!

Day 86 – 3/27/13

Grateful for what turned into a sweet “old fashioned call on the neighbors” from Lisa and Jenna. Here are the boys enjoying a book Jenna shared with them. It was just such a beautiful day to be outside and to have friends come to call.

Day 85 – 3/26/13

Grateful for Night 3 of Monopoly Madness with Erich the rule man Wenis, Cole the “stop counting your hundreds and play already Cole!” tycoon and the, “I will mortgage everything but don’t let me sell my houses on Park and Boardwalk” Nico… The saga continues..

Day 84 – 3/25/13

Grateful for Mr. Erich Wenis whom I cannot function without. He helped me register our “How We Grow – LITTLEseed Program Songs” album on CD Baby – finally. This means they will be accessible more places outside of Google Play.

Day 83 – 3/23/13

The germ clean up begins and will continue! Laundry, Legos, Duplos washed, kitchen floors steamed…just a start. Little by little we’ll rid this house of all those yuckies!

Day 82 – 3/22/13

Grateful for the promise of antibiotics, even though I avoided them as long as I could. I know when I needed to raise the white Day 81 – 3/22/13 I am grateful that while sickness required us to bow out of the world this week, I see it continues to turn regardless how involved or uninvolved we are in it. Gives you a real sense of what matters in life. Full calendar? No. Go go go? No. Push push push? No. What matters more than all that self important nonesense is that when you’re stuck sick with your family day in day out in the same space, you still like each other. And you didn’t have to watch tv all day to keep each other from driving each other crazy. Besides feeling awful, I have to tell you, being together this much this week, this focused on each other… Nothing like it. It’s really good to know that.flag. Now I get to enjoy the super fun side effects of those things! Wahoo!

Day 81 – 3/22/13

I am grateful that while sickness required us to bow out of the world this week, I see it continues to turn regardless how involved or uninvolved we are in it. Gives you a real sense of what matters in life. Full calendar? No. Go go go? No. Push push push? No. What matters more than all that self important nonesense is that when you’re stuck sick with your family day in day out in the same space, you still like each other. And you didn’t have to watch tv all day to keep each other from driving each other crazy. Besides feeling awful, I have to tell you, being together this much this week, this focused on each other… Nothing like it. It’s really good to know that.

Day 80 – 3/21/13

A very serious game of hangman… Old fashioned games still put a smile on our faces…

Day 79 – 3/20/13

Grateful I can now whip up some version of Lola Teofila Altura’s “pos pas” chicken, ginger, garlic, onion, rice, soy and fish sauce dish for fevers off the top of my head. So my temp came back after I whipped it together but, three servings later, still worth the extra labor. Also grateful boys and I still enjoying our restful time together in the living room, overall. Not without some bickering but really not bad.

Day 78 – 3/19/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 77 – 3/18/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 76 – 3/17/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 75 – 3/16/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 74 3/15/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 73 – 3/14/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 72 – 3/13/13  Too grateful to write.

Day 71 – 3/12/13

New idea for boys’ playdate while helping myself and a friend for a couple of hours this morning. Got solid block of time to catch up with my to dos with minimal interruptions. She did her thing at our church. Our boys talked about Donkey Kong and all kinds of things until they realised they could be playing instead of talking. They made forts in the garage with blankets and cardboard. Garage door open so they could run in and out of the rain. Told them to go look for worms. When tattling errupted, asked if they could work it out or did anyone need to speak to me and that would end that. Brought them down their camping breakfast – oatmeal, grits, pineapple. You would have thought it was Christmas, this was a great deal of fun for them, despite the “His fort is bigger! I am not allowed in his fort!” Got to focus on our studies and not worry so much about to dos afterwards. This is going to be a great weekly thing for all I hope for a little while.

Day 70 – 3/11/13  Maple syruping has begun!

Day 69 – 3/10/13

THIS WEEKEND after a 10+ inch snow storm Fri? I would never have guessed pick up sticks with Guinness on a sunny fort porch a couple days after. Nope. But boy am I glad.

Day 68 – 3/9/13

Ok, so I threw out my back being careless picking Cole up. This meant no teaching for me today. It also meant I got to watch Nico’s Tang Soo Do grading. He went from apprentice blue to apprentice purple. I am so happy I didn’t miss that. I will remember how his face lit up when I told him I could make it after all Day.

Day 67  – 3/8/13

Grateful just because.

Day 66 – 3/7/13

I am so grateful my phone allows me to set ten alarms at a time.  That way, when I get all wrapped up in the moment that could suck me in for hours and hours at a time, I can have it remind me basic survival things like – DING! – “Get dressed!” and…. DING! – “Prep Meal” and…. DING!  “Clean Up!” and DING! “Get stuff together to leave!” and… DING!  “Leave!”  These basic things in life are the things I apparently pay the least attention to but are fairly important.  It just doesn’t come naturally to me.  I have thought all this time that boring stuff was overrated… but, finally, it is time to admit… I can’t do it all in five minutes.  Yup.  So, thank goodness I figured that out finally and have my super alarms to remind me.  Eventually, I am hoping my internal alarms will catch on.

Day 65 – 3/6/13

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. (Genesis 28:15).

That is just amazing.  Thank You!

Day 64 – 3/5/13

Very happy our nephew Jakob is sleeping through the night again, since 12/14/12, and he is learning from Mommy and Daddy first hand that gratitude and sharing that blessing with others can go a long long way.

Day 63 – 3/4/13

Guinness Wenis. No matter how much she has grown to enjoy her two legged brothers, she will still fix her eyes on the front door waiting for me to meet her and play after she is through with them and they are through with her. I was watching her watching for me at the door like a statue. They are so focused and simple in the way they love and remain so loyal. Puppy love is like no other. I love our Guinn Guinn.

Day 62 – 3/3/13

Got to keep Binbin one more night and this is what happiness looks like. A six year old living out his imagination, my husband cooking up his home made soap and in all this mess, Binbin and Nico crafting despite the chaos. Hmmm… happiness indeed.

Day 61 – 3/2

Slumber parties!!

Day 60 – 3/1/13

Grateful for sweet literal interpretations children make when they jump up and down at signs that read “Explorers wanted.” Oh to see with their eyes and wide eyed wondering, hopeful hearts.

Day 59 – 2/28/13

No words to express how grateful I am for my brother in law, sister in law and nephew, Jakob, for continuing to pull through together after 12/14/12 and tirelessly doing what they can to help and encourage others to do the same. Lord, you sure know those you call to do your work. Never pegged you to be a good old elf, Chris Wenis. My heart is exploding with pride.

Day 58 – 2/27/13

Grateful for husbands and wives who love one another, even when they have no idea what the other person is talking about. The patience one needs when not always understood and the dedication to each other to try and try again.

Day 57 – 2/26/13

So it isn’t even noon time and already my plans to “catch up” were foiled by a lively early riser, our breakfast plans have turned to lunch by our late riser breakfast maker, some of us were brought to tears by shake/popsicle making mishaps, I’ve been attacked by spears of broccoli in a most unpleasant way.. but I have since caught my breath and know where all this is coming from.  More importantly, I know where to go for resumed peace and even a bit of humor.  For that refuge and anchor, I am grateful.

Day 56 – 2/25/13 Thank you for prioritizing my life for me because Your plans for me are always perfectly and uniquely designed.

Day 55 – 2/24/13 Grateful for siblings, cousins and good times.

Day 54 – 2/23/13 College friendships that feel like they were born yesterday and continue down the line to our children.

Day 53 – 2/22/13 Grateful for a long awaited pajama readathon day. Recipe: 50+ books from the library to swim through all day, a movie and some brownies to bake!

Day 52 – 2/21/13 Grateful for amazing grace.

Day 51 – 2/20/13 Embraces that start off as running jumps and turn into full body hugs. The best, most wonderfully comforting, never want this to end, gestures of love from our little people.

Day 50 – 2/19/13

I am so grateful for music and a chance to sing quietly or at the top of my lungs, alone or with people I love in praise and in fun.  Singing that leads to slow dancing.  Slow dancing that leads to spinning.  Spinning that leads to tag.  Tag that leads always to tickle monster tag.  Tickle monster tag that leads to wrestling and then uncontrollable bouts of laughter.  What would we do without it?

Day 49 – 2/18/13

I love silly Mom attempts to quiet a group of eight boys. Grateful for this crew’s chance to see each other on a day off from public, private and homeschool. Rare but prized!

Day 48 – 2/17/13

Maple syrup on tap! Wahoo for maple syrup tapping season.

Day 47 – 2/16/13

Looking back at first week of Orchestra Class for CC Fine Arts. Mrs. Weigel (one of our CC homeschool Moms) shares her knowledge and love for music. This week Baroque and Classical orchestra introduction. I am so grateful she shared her enthusiasm and could have listened all day. The children were introduced to artwork, instruments and rchestra seating for each period as well. Was Heavenly.

Day 46 – 2/15/13

Our good girl Guinness and beautiful 50 degree weather for a winter afternoon outdoors without jackets, hats and gloves.

Day 45 – 2/14/13
Loved hearing this today, “The love of God cannot be overshadowed and thank the Lord for His love for us.” It wasn’t a Valentine’s Day message but it was perfectly what I needed to hear. Happy Hearts Day everyone!

Day 44 – 2/13/13
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. It is also the second month anniversary of 12/14/13. We LOVE Valentines Day in this home. It is frantic love preparation by the kids – secret this or that breakfasts, meals, hand made cards and what nots. I am grateful to have this to turn to over and over again today and tomorrow, even as we prepare to celebrate a day of love. I am well aware this is yet another holiday that will be filled with great emptiness for many families. So today I am grateful for my divine refuge. I am especially grateful for PSALM 143.

PSALM 143

A psalm of David.

1 Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]

7 Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

11 For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

Day 43 – 2/12/13

So after years of our boys’ sharing their fascination with ninjas and dreams day in and day out, I FINALLY dreamed I was one!  It really WAS super!  I didn’t want to wake up.  Can’t wait to tell them because they are also in the a habit of hitting us each morning with, “Mom?  Do you remember your dream?  What was it?  Mine was about these creatures attacking me…  I was a ninja with superpowers and….”

Day 42 – 2/11/13

Grateful for last minute “We can come within the hour, don’t clean up, stay in your pjs” surprise playdates on school snow days… a couple hours of school work anyway and under the stairs puppet shows to top things off. What a great day and night!!!

Day 41 – 2/10/13

Ok so the plow guy is in FL and the neighbors tried to help us out but one of them was in the same boat and the other couldn’t get his tractor or his friend’s pick up and plow up the icy incline. A little engine that could snow plow we haven’t used in six years started up and between E and I cutting down the snow with pitch forks and shovels and plowing, we got the job done. Best, I have been enjoying a massage from Nico as well as have been served a plethora of desserts and snacks by both kids while in bed getting the massage. My feet are in a warm foot soak and a warm bath is waiting for me. I didn’t ask, I didn’t dream but, girls, get in line! These boys are gonna make great husbands!!! Oh and now one of them just asked if he could do this for me every Sun. Um… YES!!!!

Day 40 – 2/9/13*

Grateful we have shelter and electricity, despite Storm Nemo.

Day 39 – 2/8/13

Grateful we were all asked to stay home and safe as Storm Nemo makes its way over to us.

Day 38 – 2/7/13

Thankful I got to bring boys to the memorial tent off exit 10 today. It was supposed to go down this past Tuesday. Please pray for its protection until it is taken down Sun 6pm as it is supposed to return at the year anniversary. Blizzard conditions and all and 12-24 inches of snow predicted between now and then. We will need a miracle.

Day 37 – 2/6/13

Reunion with students who are really like family to me in a class that reminds us how their little ones grow, grow, grow. Also thankful for the plethora of times my little guys asked me if I was okay today, older themselves, and confident they could kiss away any of my booboos, if any. I got offers of coffee, water, hugs… I was just a bit tired towards the end of the day but, man, if I were preggo, I could really milk this! :)))

Day 36 – 2/5/13

We are looking forward to a field trip to the Maritime Aquarium to see friends, Oma & Grandpa and for the snow.  I always wonder about those worlds within pretty snowglobes.

Day 35 – 2/4/13

I am grateful for this reminder from a great influence in my life: Prayer is a prelude to the peace we need to wait for God’s timing, God’s answers, God’s will.  (I summarize.)

Day 34 – 2/3/13 (continued from Day 33)

Woke up with a jolt at 3:45am, bundled up and ran outside with two wool blankets as temp read 19 degrees. They were two sleeping bags under a half an inch of snow. I dusted Nico off who was sound asleep. Stuck my ungloved hand in his bag and he was toasty warm in his double sleeping bags. I am glad Erich tolerates my Mommy fears. He was watching me and my flashlight doing all this and I bet just smiled, hoping I wouldn’t kill myself bringing the wool blankets back down the snowy ladder. My friend assured me before I went to bed that I could trust God to keep them and their crazy Daddy and son ideas warm. I guess I tried my best but still feel like He wants me to have a say in the “plan.” I think He is chuckling at me too. I am grateful for the gift of humorous crazy frantic Mom/wife and super father and son memories. Oh, and for being back in our toasty warm bed with my little snoring six year old date.

Day 33 – 2/2/13
Date night with the kids! E and N camping in winter bags up in the treehouse. C and I snuggled for a movie and….Shhhh! Ice cream! Don’t tell N!!!!

Day 32 – 2/1/13
I am grateful Erich and I both value the importance of having a good work ethic. I am glad we both have an appreciation for what that yields, not just monetarily, but in good, sound, character building. Modeling entitlement to our children would be the scary alternative…

Day 31 – 1/31/13

You know those sobering moments when you watch your child run or laugh in that unique way that is just “him” (or her?)  I am grateful for those split seconds.  Within an instant, my breath is taken away from me, my heart skips a beat and I thank my Lord my God that he has gifted me the wherewithall to stop, look and listen, right then and there, to my child.  In that borrowed time and space I am stunned into the realization that this is the first and last time I will ever spend this particular day with him.  The sun will rise and fall and the page will turn, a soon as I close my eyes.  Without so much as a murmur, he will have grown an hour, a week, a year older.  When such realizations hit me, it’s as if the words “We Were Here” are etched a little more clearly upon my heart and it grows to love him just that much more.

Day 30 – 1/30/13

I am just really grateful for people who are nice to others, despite having a bad day, week, life.  They are out there and you would never even know they were having a tough time.  I just pray that they know where to find peace and that I can help bring a smile to their faces they way they bring smiles to mine.

Day 29 – 1/29/13

Thank you for keeping everyone safe last night.  That beautiful, harmless looking and pretty snow that came down during the day was packed with a punch by nightfall.  The ice really did follow and would have made for hairy driving for anyone out there.  I am also grateful I got to walk around to enjoy how fresh and new everything looked while within the safety of our property lines with Nico, when the climbing wall wasn’t enough to get the monkeys out of his system from his cabin fever.

Day 28 – 1/28/13

Grateful Erich built a professional grade climbing wall in the basement and is supervising games on it right now for the two monkeys who have serious cabin fever from all this whackadoodle weather. It is like an insane assylum in here. I imagine anyway…

Day 27 – 1/27/13

I am so grateful that each day is another chance to wake up some more.

Day 26 – 1/26/13

I was having a ho hum day.  Our youngest, on cue, jumped in my arms and my heart was automatically soothed.  I said, “This is what I needed today Cole.  I just wish we could hug all day.”  He then responded so matter of factly, “Well then why don’t we do that.  Let’s just lay in bed and cuddle all day.”  It is so simple for them.  I am grateful for that.

Day 25 – 1/25/13

Grateful for good friends, good conversation and heartfelt humor. Thank you girls.

Day 24 – 1/24/13

Very grateful for my hubby his mad IT skills. He just discovered I had 490 emails sitting at the server that were not delivered and fixed the problem. I am finding emails from Dec and am slowly going through them. If you need to reach me, please text me for now or FB message me. I have received emails on and off but have definitely missed a bunch.

Day 23 – 1/23/13

So grateful I was invited to go on a winter backpacking trip today by these two. Packing all our essentials in blankets and, of course a laundry basket, carrying those packs around the winding trails (all over the house), scaling the boulders (stairs) to the summit (view of the shrunken world below from my bedroom window) and kiddo 2 breaking out his piggy bank to pay the ranger for our site was so excellent. The best were the choice essentials they packed: oven mit (doubles as a cooking tool and weapon), turkey baster and mallet (to help fan the flames of our fire – steam from freshly cooked rice to give fire a more “real feel” – coz a real fire in the fireplace doesn’t actually cut it apparently), a drum set stool to hold your tarp up, tongs (to fight off bears with the oven mit), a pair of socks to play “sock catch” and of course Erich’s minus 200 degree weather proof sleeping bag, just to name a few. All this necessary adventure really broke the mundane of not getting outside the house in this cold snap. The day was topped off with watching the Everest movie. Now, remind me why everyone was dying to grow up again? Oh, and my feet are sticking out of this fort/tent as I sleep with kiddo 2 tonight because, well, apparently the game is not paused or over until 2pm tomorrow. Until then, we are to act “campish” in language and activity and that is that. I had to sneak this phone – thank goodness they understand it to be a GPS in case we get lost or it would not have made the trip.

Day 22 – 1/22/13

A new chapter book character to enjoy together! Miss the old days of taking out 75 picture books at a time and spending hours reading on the couch with my then little men. They normally disappearinto their chapter books without me these days. 😦 This one was short enough to get through together on and off through the day and I love how perfectly they still fit in the crook of my arms and laugh at all my funny voices while reading to them still. It was a real gift we all enjoyed. Three more l Jacob Two-Two books out there. Yippie!!

Day 21 – 1/21/13

Thankful to have come across this, especially on this day we remember Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr… “Hatred stirreth up strife: but love covereth all sins” – Proverbs 10:12 and “I know we live in a fallen world, Lord. Evil abounds, and hatred and prejudice come easily. But these are bitter attitudes that poison the soul. Loving the unlovely is much more difficult, but when love permeates my soul, it opens my eyes and helps me realize that the other person needs You. God, please help me to love all people and to teach my children to do the same.” – Rachel Quillin

Day 20 – 1/20/13

Thank you, Lord, that when I was lost, you hung out with me while I dug holes in the ground, trying to build a life.  And then when I was weary and  wanted to go back home, you took my hand, reminded me which way to turn and walk with me still.

Day 19 – 1/19/13

I thought I knew it all.  But nothing has changed over the course of history. We live as if we are entitled when the truth is, this life is a gift.

Day 18 – 1/18/13

So grateful for a mix up with playdate plans that landed a friend of the boys at our home instead of us all meeting outside of our home.  My friend is running errands with her older son and, no kidding, my feet are up and I am enjoying some ME time on the couch while they play away.  Ahhhhh….

Day 17 – 1/17/13

So glad a good chat about stranger safety with boys came up after an odd man who sounded drunk or just not all there struck up an all too curious conversation with Nico outside the men’s room at Stop and Shop. I was there but the guy was really interested in finding out about Nico’s gender, age… Told him not to be scared. Wigged us both out. I took Nico away at that point.

Been struggling lately with him wanting to go to mens’ bathroom only, when in public places. I know at 9 he is self conscious and all but I really feel it is best in certain situations he only go in public men’s room when he is with Erich.

The man’s strange questioning shook him up enough that now he finally gets why I am so insistent it is a safety issue. It takes two seconds for situations to turn around. I don’t think he will argue the point with me for a while at least. I am sorry it wasn’t a good experience for him but glad it opened his eyes most people are good, but, some situations are best avoided. For now.

Day 16 – 1/16/13

Still can’t believe they came and we had a chance to be there for each other and the Sandy Hook families. It was amazing to be there and so proud to see so many friends from Calvary Chapel, CC, BSF and Walnut Hill there.

Day 15 – 1/15/13

A last minute opportunity to attend A Night of Hope and Healing Concert at Webster Bank Arena with two friends who really need to be here with me and one of my “mighty men of God.”

Day 14 – 1/14/13

Today I am so grateful that a month ago, my brother in law and sister in law were able to bring our nephew home, safe and sound from Sandy Hook School. He was next door when it happened because he is in the afternoon Kindergarten class. This has jarred them more than any other difficulty and their road to healing is long and will continue indefinitely. I am also grateful so many in the community and nation have chosen to turn to prayer because a strengthened faith is the only everlasting gift that can come out of such a tragedy. Well wishes and generous contributions can only carry a broken heart so far. At one point, one has to continue to see the light when it is dark all around and, in the depth of that abyssmal sadness, realize we are not alone.

Day 13 – 1/13/2013

So thankful for our church home and especially for our pastor’s testimony and message today. I know all too well my own version of this story. So grateful he shared. So encouraged.

Day 12 – 1/12/13

Finally, DATE NIGHT thanks to Bonne Maman and Bon Papa after a full day of teaching classes.

Day 11 – 1/11/13

Thank you for shaping and molding me, even when I don’t like it or least expect it. It is good to grow into my purpose daily and to be reminded it is okay to falter and hiccup regularly. It is comforting to know I am always welcome to return to the potter’s wheel.

(Thanks to Erich, the boys AND I are all working very hard on the GEMS assignments he assigned them this week. Somehow, I am now pressed to guide them through research, spelling and rewording so they don’t plagiarize.  Tough adjunct professor we have here and, believe me, it is trial and error, where and how the boys are to best proceed with doing all this without boyish distractions pulling them away completely from the task.)

Day 10 – 1/10/13

Thank you for a chance to ice skate with friends in the middle of the day at Danbury ice rink after our classes.  Also grateful that when Cole slammed himself into the glass and then teeth first onto the ice, it was minimal damage, after a ton or crying.  Also so blessed the dentist made room to see us right away and then so kindly looked at his teeth without charge.  This is very helpful when you don’t have dental insurance.  Despite all this, both boys can’t wait to hit the rink again.  Me too.

Day 9 – 1/9/13

I am grateful for the dance classes my parents generously provided through highschool and which I returned to even at college. I am thankful my parents sent me to CCP in the P.I., New Jersey Ballet, The Jeoffrey and Alvin Ailey for strong foundations in classical ballet and a bit of jazz and tap. I enjoy the art of movement and choreography still, especially incorporating it into my LITTLEseed™ Program.

Day 8 – 1/8/13

Our “Before I ask for Extras… did I?” board Erich and I put together has been a God send.  It has columns to guide our children with MORNING, EVENING chores, HOW CAN I HELP? and EDUCATION columns Erich and I would prefer for them to do prior to just any old free play in-between schoolwork, meals, etc… (as in when Mom hasn’t assigned them anything specific to do and is wrapping up something she needs to work on and there are pockets of free potentially “I am bored time.”)  It also includes an EXTRAS column which lists things they would love to do all day but we feel shouldn’t be their first choice when they have free time.  Erich also added a GEMS column where he gives them assignments for the week that incorporate our Classical Conversations weekly topics and provides them an opportunity to do both book and tablet research work.  This week they had to report on the difference between volcanoes and earthquakes, using all the parts of the earth as well as report on the mining of salt, gold and silver.  Nico was also assigned an animation project which was to incorporate a boy fishing with a net and a fishing rod.  Cole was to animate a fish with a moving tail.  So far so good!  Less of the, “I don’t know what to do and… I have disappeared into my LEGO bin before I did anything to help or educational because Mom was tied up for a bit.”  We love legos and free play but we feel these boys need some structure too that gives them the independence to choose many times through the day but the mindset to always strive to be excellent family team helpers and independent self-educators too.

Day 7 – 1/7/13

Just everything today. Just all of it.

Day 6 – 1/6/13

I am grateful for mornings that start off with a relaxed diner style breakfast reading Auntie Maria’s cartoons off the laptop, spinning on the lazy Susan… A great message at Calvary Church about finding real hope and faith in these times… A walk (including snowball wars) with the boys through a bird sanctuary (sorry, Bent of the River wildlife for the noise eight boys make just breathing)… old school pine cone hockey on some ice we found in Narnia there… sledding at Ballentine Park (more snowball wars) and then coming home to more home made body butter by my sick husband. Heck of a day!

Day 5 – 1/5/13

I am grateful someone shared with a group of us today that when there are shadows cast all around us, this also means there is light.

Day 4 – 1/4/13

Thank You for a great day at the Bronx Zoo with the boys and some friends.

Day 3 – 1/3/13

Thank you for our first day back to Classical Conversations in Southbury so that we could pick our homeschooling routine back up. It was our turn to do our family presentation and Erich got to join us for that. This week we learned about the age of exploration, the Kush and the Berbers, geography of Western Africa, helping verbs, math liquid equivalents, reviewed Latin Noun Cases, learned the parts of the earth for science, held two science experiments reviewing the scientific method, ground up chalk with a morter and pestle, mixed it with egg yolk and water and painted frescos like the great artist Giotto circa 1266, did our presentations, had lunch and then indoor and outdoor recess. Thank you thank you for this school, curriculum and the families we are learning so much with weekly!

Day 2 – 1/2/13

Thankful that our boys are old enough to complete longer hikes (2 and a half hours yesterday) and our “46ers Training” has officially begun as of New Year’s Day!  Which Daks peak in Placid this spring or summer?  Hmmmm….

DAY 1 – 1/1/13

(Couldn’t help but be grateful twice!)

New Year’s Eve – I am grateful for my life here on earth and my creator who has blessed me more than I could ever deserve.

New Year’s Day – Thank You for morning stillness when I first open my eyes and that stillness, especially, interrupted by our six year old’s obnoxious sleeping snort.